I don't think I need to remind any of you that with February being upon us, there is a mid-month manufactured holiday that we all have to contend with. Single ladies, you frequently spend it with your girls. Single men, you frantically try to ensure you don't spend it alone. Little known to either the single lady or fella, there's likely someone right under your nose that could be the Valentine you've been looking for...
This could easily become a romantic comedy – someone should write it. Not me, but someone. Comedy I’ll do, but the romance part – notsomuch. We’re going back to science class today people, my dunce cap is on, nerd glasses are clean and I’ve been resting my brain all day – by simply not thinking.
Back to the ‘under your nose’ topic. Often we find ourselves rationalizing and using flawed human logic when making choices on: who to date, who is interested, who we are interested in, what we want out of life in general. I say flawed human logic because, let’s face it folks, you can’t apply logic or rationalize a human being. There are too many variables in that human brain supercomputer that we don’t know about. Even the lovable nerd with absent social skills, Dr. Sheldon Cooper ended up in an infinite loop when trying to apply logic to friendship.
Here’s an equation for you, and this one will work....
If logic cannot be applied to Friendship
And we all know, that a friendship is far less complicated than a relationship
Then
Logic cannot be applied to a Relationship.
There. Science.
Now to carry our lesson a little bit further I propose: The Third Law of Toronto Singledomology.
Our First and Second Laws focused on the Toronto Singles Environment. This law focuses on the people. The people, with our feeble minds, constantly over-thinking that which requires less thought than what socks you’ll wear.
Simply put, the Third Law states:
The logic of a Toronto Single will never be as accurate as Chemistry in leading to Biology.
I don’t think that this law requires much explanation – but I since have frequently been accused of not explaining my thoughts so I’ll give this one a go, and again we’ll go through a simple logical exercise
Boy meets Girl
If Boy likes Girl, then
Boy asks Girl out,
If Girl likes Boy, then
Girl says yes.
Boy and Girl go out
If first date goes well, then
Boy and Girl go out again
And so on...until.... Biology. If you don’t know what I mean, please stop reading. Call your parents. Ask them to tell you where babies REALLY come from – it ain’t a big bird with a delivery uniform.
This what you just say, is what happens everywhere but Toronto. In Toronto, your logic flow will go something like this....
Boy meets Girl
If Boy likes Girl, then
Boy does a deep dive investigation into social media, including thedirty.com to evaluate ratchet-ness.
If ratchet > acceptable tolerance, abort mission.
If ratchet <= acceptable tolerance, and SWAG > 0, then
Determine if anybody you know within 6 degrees has dated or met her ever in life.
If yes, apply human logic to why you can and cannot date her now,
*there is “no” scenario here, it’s Toronto after all.
More if, then
More if, then
More if, then
More if, then
Finally, bite the bullet and ask her out...
Then, because he waited too long – she has a boyfriend. Some dude she met 2 weeks before him, so that punk got a head start on the exercise noted above.
You’ll also notice that none of the steps below got to happen. Because of the infinite amount if silly flawed logic and rationalization Torontonians go through when deciding on what to do when they like someone.
If Girl likes Boy, then
Girl says yes.
Boy and Girl go out
If first date goes well, then
Boy and Girl go out again
Know what you end up missing without these steps? That's right. Biology.
Ladies, you aren’t excused. You do it too. Stop sitting there aloof. You do the same thing. Your ‘if, then’ scenarios are different, but the same 'miss' applies.
Either way, male or female, what I’m getting at is this. Stop over-thinking. If there’s chemistry, then go for it. Worst that could happen is some misdirected Biology after all. If you get it right, you don’t have to read these columns anymore.
Wait. Stop. Keep reading. These articles pay for my coffee once a month.
Til next time!
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