Islamo cyber censors (satirical or serious?)

Officials in Iran have blocked access to Facebook in what opposition candidates said was an effort to thwart their challenges to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The Washington Post reported Sunday that Ahmadinejad's three political opponents have used the Internet site to spread their campaign messages. - UPI.com 

(AP Photo)

---

But seriously:

"Saudi women, who are not allowed to work in
shops or to drive cars, have enthusiastically
taken to the Internet, making up two thirds of
users in 2000. The appearance of blogs has
allowed them to express themselves freely
about their daily lives. That is why sites dealing    
with the feminine condition are very widely
filtered." – Internet Enemies, March 2009,
Reporters Without Borders

"The opposition candidates are using the Entire Net to challenge my authority!"

Moonmudh hijab Grabbar, Eldest Main Mullah Man of Iran's closest neighbor and ally, Uppyer Wazooistan, was throwing a frenzied fit.

"I do not know what this Entire Net thing is but I have my sources. I have my spies. A little birdie told me they are talking behind my back!"

"They are twittering, O Great Robed One," responded a young Ahbin LaGon Ahgin, Most Important Minder of Modern Commuincational Matters.

"He means tweeting," muttered the youthful Ahma ben Bloggen, Chief Protector of The Cyber Pass and Other Elektronikal Onlinestuff.

"Forget the little birdie!" Main Mullah Man roared. "I want those twits stopped!"

"We will block the Twitter site immediately," responded ben Bloggen.

"Those other candidates, I don't think they dig me." Main Mullah pouted.

"We will block Digg," the Chief Protector calmly pledged. "We will not allow your opposition to Shout."

"They can yell all they want," snarled the Main Mullah, "I just want them arrested and booked. I don't want to see their faces."

"Well then," ben Bloggen smiled, "We will block Facebook as well."

"They are weaving a web of conspiracy," Main Mullah scowled. "They have been sighted."

"Then we will shut down their web sites," ben Bloggen shrugged.

But Moonmudh hijab Grabbar could not be placated, and flew into a frenzy again. "I am the ruler of this land," he roared. "This is my kingdom! This is my royal palace. This is the office from which I rule all! This is my desk! This is my space!"

"Your opponents should be shot," the young Most Important Minder of Modern Commuincational Matters nodded in agreement. "We should shoot them and mount their heads on a post in front of the palace wall as was done in our Grandfather's times."

"Can we do that?" the Main Mullah mused. "Can I get away with that in today's modern world with all of its Entire Nets and its Com pewters and its E Males and its Massage Boards and all the other satanic Western devices?"

"But of course," assured the youthful Chief Protector of The Cyber Pass and Other Electronikal Onlinestuff, "I will personally see to it that each of your adversaries is digitally shot and have their headshots posted on a Myspace Wall for all of their hundreds of Friends to see."

"Then do it!" blurted Moonmudh hijab Grabbar, Eldest Main Mullah Man of Uppyer Wazooistan. "Hah! So these evil Mechanisms of the Infidel World are not so difficult to defeat after all. I order you to put my opponents' heads on posts upon the wall as you have said and command all in the realm to gaze upon them! Go now."

And so, in the tradition of the Young Turks, who helped drag the country of Turkey kicking and screaming into the modern Westernized world in the early twentieth century, the two Young Dudes of Uppyer Wazooistan exchanged sly smiles as they retired to their Great Hall of the Computers to launch their virtual revolution.