The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (Isis) has reportedly declared the areas it occupies in Iraq and Syria as a new Islamic state. The terrorist groupie to al Qaida turned headliner is quite happy upon their new designation as a self-proclaimed state.
“That was easy” said Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the newly installed Caliph. We just drove in. Aside from Iraqi troops running the other way and an occasional camel in the road we made it in good time.”
Isis said that although it doesn’t now occupy Hollywood and midtown Manhattan, they will also be claimed as part of the new Islamic State and that parts of New Jersey are soon to follow if they can get a truck convoy through the traffic approaching the Holland Tunnel. “Since Chris Christy has been acting as a bully, the people are used to that sort of behavior and will readily accept a Caliphate,” a spokesperson for the armed horde said.
“I have always wanted to rule Hollywood” said Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, “I’ll be bigger than the Kardashians. This sandy s--t is for losers.
The only good thing about it is the oil but since we knocked over banks in Mosul we’re into some cash. It’s a lot better than the .03% we were making on our savings at the National Bank of Jalalabad.”
“When we arrive in Manhattan, we’ll take in a few sights, maybe ‘The Book of Mormon’ on Broadway for a few pointers and then install the Caliphate. There will be changes but we’ll have to keep the pizza and the halvah. Tripe with a side of camel balls is getting old real fast.”
The call to prayer will be from the top of the Empire State Building. Of course we’ll need a really big loudspeaker so they can hear us in Jersey City.
“America is ready for us,” said the new Caliph’s spokesperson “We’re actually just to the left of those tea party Republicans.” He expressed amusement when he said “They’ve been getting away with murder lately so we’ll be a breath of fresh ‘prayer’.”
Since expressing amusement is forbidden, he was gagged, stuffed inside a camel’s hump and sent to the western front.