"I'm getting married, your still married, and we just got busy."
This is one of the many quotes from the great 2002 hip hop themed love story of "Brown Sugar," featuring Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs. If your best friend is not your spouse this can often cause complications that flow through the art of temptation. Even though maintaining friends of the opposite sex when your married seems like a pretty level headed idea it can often be a hindrance to your marriage. Understanding your spouse doesn't come from the ever flowing advice of a friend built with the same hormones as the person you married. Understanding comes from listening and being the friends that fell in love with each other. There are several reasons why it would be in your marriage's best interest to welcome a third party into your unity.
- Attention Theft: Putting your energy into another woman or man outside of your spouse is taking to much attention away from your main attraction. This can cause some future insecurities within the marriage.
- Ulterior Motives: If your best friend is not your spouse and if fact a person of the opposite sex, that person may be building a divergence to win your heart by being one your closest companions.
- Temptation Producer: Being involved with a person that knows everything about you, to whom you confide secrets and concerns may cause physical companionship when there is lack of something in your marriage.
- Brown Sugar Result- The characters Sidney and Andre in "Brown Sugar" were best friends from childhood and in love with each other since then. They knew everything about each other and given their time of vulnerability in their current relationships they ran to each other. Ultimately they ended up together but at the cost of a divorce and a broken heart. Even though they belonged together in the first place this is a perfect example as to why your best friend should be your spouse and no one else.
Even in "My Best Friend's Wedding," Julianne played by Julia Roberts had a very intense motive to break up her male best friend's wedding from the time she met his fiance. She uses her advantage as a best friend in knowing Michael O'Neal's played by Dermont Mulroney's every move. "Julianne" played with Michael's every emotion and used his weaknesses as her strengths in secretly tearing his wedding apart before he even walked down the aisle. This ulterior motive fortunately backlashed against Julianne's plan eventually teaching her a very good lesson.
Ultimately your secrets, desires, dreams, goals, aspirations and thoughts should be that of your spouse's. When you need someone to talk to, confide in, lean on your spouse should feel that gap. If this responsibility of friendship is hard for you to fulfill in your marriage than the foundation of your marriage should probably be reexamined. Becoming friends or being best friends with anybody other than your spouse can cause a rift in your marriage that will continue to grow with the lack of communication. Everything you need from a person should be in your spouse. So make sure when you say "yes" that you've said yes to your best friend.