Having an affair doesn’t immediately start with sex for a woman. There typically are mental steps that take place, followed by physical steps which lead to an affair. You may hear people say, ‘It just happened...one minute we were friends then the next thing I know, we are having an affair.’ These people didn’t pay attention to the warning signs. They didn’t actively take steps to avoid the inevitable affair, and they are now emotionally and physically invested in another man.
Your Marriage
Your marriage doesn’t have to be in a horrible place to have an affair. If your marriage isn’t perfect then you are vulnerable. Yes it’s true, no one has a perfect marriage so this means all marriages are vulnerable. Every marriage has issues, big and small and they can be frustrating and exhausting at times and play a big role in the steps that lead to an affair.
Meeting Someone New
Nine times out of ten women aren’t searching for a man to have an affair with, they are just going about their lives, and either at work, at the gym, at the store or through friends a new person enters their life. As a married women, generally the thought of an affair wouldn’t even enter their mind. When the married woman meets a new man they may naively think he is just a nice guy and maybe a friendship can evolve because they share the same social or work environment.
Becoming Friends
All situations are different, however the bottom line is a friendship will start to grow. Intentions, at least in the married woman's mind, are still pure. Once the man is no longer a stranger the friendship opens the door for trusting him and the guard of the woman's heart begins to come down.
Husband vs New Friend
In the beginning of a dating relationship things often appear to be perfect. There isn’t any baggage in a new relationship and everything is exciting. In your marriage, the newness wares off, the baggage starts to collect and the fantasy seems to disappear. We already have high expectations with movies and TV shows ending in happily every after and now we look at our marriage and don't like where the ending is headed. With the image of a perfect marriage gone, a slow shift starts to take place and you begin searching for the fantasy again without even realizing it. In pops your new friend who you have gotten to know, trust and respect. There is no baggage with him, it’s all new and exciting and everything seems perfect. Now it’s only a matter of time before the affair starts.
This is a very common progression of an affair. While there are always different circumstances, these are the steps that typically take place when an affair isn’t intentional, when it ‘just happens.’
Challenge: Make your marriage adultery proof by determining boundaries that you have with the opposite sex. Boundaries are in place to protect you from going too far. They are important to establish to ensure your marriage is safe and protected. If you already have relationships that sound similar to the above situation then you need to cut it off now. If you find this is a struggle to do, then you need to ask yourself why. If he is just a friend, then why can’t you give up that relationship to save your most important relationship, your marriage? Remember, most people who have affairs never thought that they would be the one to have an affair. If your marriage is of value to you then you will protect it. Love isn’t just about feelings, it is intentional and it takes effort. Remember that all relationships have problems, and while an affair may start off great the newness will fade and the baggage will collect, leaving you feeling unsatisfied once again.
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