Skip to main content

Is your honey hindering your sleep with bad gas?

Is your honey hindering your sleep with bad gas? Help is here in the form of the Better Marriage Blanket.

Are your mate's sleepytime stink bombs causing you to bust out the gas mask? There is a solution!
Are your mate's sleepytime stink bombs causing you to bust out the gas mask? There is a solution!
PhotoXpress.com

Has your love muffin been dropping air biscuits in the boudoir? Perhaps a little crop dusting before crawling under the covers? Do they release an evil laugh before confining you to the Dutch oven that is your most sanctimonious sleeping ground? Or does he or she (let's be honest, girls are guilty too) unknowingly squeeze out SBDs which wake you from your REM sleep, forcing you to break for cover to the nearest window or to a set of matches to clear the air?

Have you been losing sleep over this problem, perhaps underperforming at work as a result? Is it ruining your marriage?

Well rest assured, the solution to your problem is here! Behold the Better Marriage Blanket.

When word of this latest invention began blowing up on Google, further inquiry was nothing short of mandatory. The Better Marriage Blanket claims to ward off those silent but deadly stink bombs your mattress mate intentionally or unintentionally drops while in bed. According to the website and infomercial, the seemingly normal comforter has an underlayer of active carbon fabric comprised of the same material "used by the military to protect against chemical weapons." Miraculously, "offending molecules are absorbed before anyone knows they are there."

The product currently retails at approximately $40-60 depending on the size, and is available in two odor neutralizing, err gender neutral colors.

Although I'd respectfully disagree with the charming infomercial voiceover guy that this would make an ideal gift (really, I mean, really?), if it does work, I can most definitely see its usefulness. Surely everyone has experienced a time when you lay awake in bed beside someone, dying to release a little squeaker, but hold it in for fear of audible or aromatic disruption of said mate's slumber. With the Better Marriage Blanket, if he or she momentarily comes out of hibernation, you can quickly pretend to be getting some shuteye yourself, leaving no evidence of noxious fumes behind.

Denver should consider forgoing the Snuggie Pub Crawl in 2011 and instead commence with the 1st Annual BMB Pub Crawl. Just think, if you shart yourself, not only will no one smell the evidence, but if you are wrapped in your Better Marriage Blanket, no one will see the evidence either. Brilliant!

Unfortunately, this product has yet to arrive on this Examiner's doorstep, but one can only wonder how good a couple has it if this is the worst of their marital problems. Heck, at least they're in your bed with you and not squandering their last paycheck on "Candy" at Shotgun Willie's.

Have you tried this product? Have a firsthand review? Please share.

--------------------

If you enjoyed this article, forward it to your friends or post it on your social networking sites. If you want to be informed when future articles are posted, please click on the subscribe button at the top. All the cool kids are doing it.

Have a question or topic suggestion? Email this Examiner.

Comments