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Is Utah getting a ‘contact high’ from Colorado’s new pot laws?

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It seems to be ‘loosening up’ from its stance as one of the country's most conservative States.

Most Utah counties are allowing same-sex couples to get married after a federal judge blocked efforts by state officials to halt the weddings.

U.S. District Judge Robert J. Shelby overturned Utah's ban on same-sex marriage by refusing to grant a stay.

“We were ready to chain ourselves to the court house door to stop these marriages but we thought this would send a sexual signal to the gays in our State” said the Reverend Robert Tuhe, “I prefer leather myself.”

“We didn’t know they lived among us. It was all so normal” recounted Elmer Suggins, a stocker at the Piggly Wiggly, “Of course, I get suspicious when well-dressed people linger around the expensive organics and start re-arranging the squash and tomatoes.

When stuff like that happens, we’re not safe from the perils of homosexuality in our own homes. Phew, I need a cold shower.”

The State argued that numerous same-sex marriages "are now occurring" daily in Utah as a result of the district court decision, “And every time a gay gets married, an Angel loses her virginity” said Reverend Billy Joe Tocksik, of the Last Stand Church of the Angry Gods.

At the same time, a federal judge's decision went into effect striking down a key part of Utah's ban on polygamy.

Bigamy’s against the law around here, but it doesn’t mean men can’t cohabitate with as many wives as he can handle” said Willy Freibush, a barber, “I’ve only got one but I’m willing to expand.”

"This decision provokes a constitutional crisis," said Brian Brown, president of the National Organization for Marriage. Next thing you know, women are going to demand equal pay for equal work. It called on the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals to narrow their focus to define marriage between a man and his wife or wives.

Let the winds of change blow West!


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