Is Tim Burton just going to ruin every childhood movie?

Photo: Disney

Tim Burton continues to rape my childhood by churning out mediocre 'updates' and revisions of treasured tales that have somehow managed to persevere for literally a hundred years. His latest: a new Sleeping Beauty with Angelina Jolie as the villainous witch, better known to Disney fans as Maleficent. Maleficent IS pretty much the scariest Disney villain ever. I freaked out when I saw that movie as a kid. Not to mention, she has the worst excuse for being bitter ever. She's like this horrible, nasty person that no one in the kingdom likes and then throws a huge epic fit when they don't invite her to a party, completely validating everyone's issues with her. We all knew someone in high school like that.

The L.A Times reports that despite most people saying 'meh' to Alice In Wonderland, it's been a smash hit and Disney is now wooing Burton to take on the Sleeping Beauty project. A word of advice: don't do it in CGI. Let Burton do what he does best when he physically constructs his worlds. The Alice In Wonderland universe felt sparse and underdeveloped. It seemed that no set tied into another, and the world felt underpopulated and subsequently exactly what it is: a computer universe as opposed to a rabbit hole to your imagination.

No word on who will be stuck with the largely thankless role of Aurora, who spends a majority of the story in a deep sleep, although if Alice In Wonderland is anything to judge by, whomever writes the screenplay will develop her into some sassy, obnoxious token 'rebel princess'.  Also, Johnny Depp can play all of the fairy godmothers or something, and make sure to give them horrible accents. At least maybe we can get Crispin Glover as Prince Charming. Pray with me.