So what exactly is the 'I don't know' zone?
To avoid the 'end' zone of a relationship, couples want to become more aware of the phases—so they can work through them to build stronger, healthier relationships. There is a bright side to dating when in the ‘I don’t know’—or IDK zone, of a relationship.
The IDK zone usually falls somewhere between the honeymoon phase and the commitment phase. The IDK zone has also been referred to as the ‘break away’ and ‘power struggle’ phase—as it is a phase where partners search for their original self.
What exactly is original self?
When people meet and begin dating, they often put on their ‘best’ self to impress; setting aside their original self on a shelf. Later in the relationship when the partners feel it is safe (such as after the honeymoon phase when they can do no wrong), they seek out their original self.
It almost sounds like a deceit; however, it really is not in the sense that when a partner wants to introduce their new potential life partner to every aspect of their life—they want to include their original self. There are no intentions to deceive; they want to take the time to introduce all of who they are.
The power struggles, or the breaking away, comes in when partners are trying to hold on to their newfound love interest; their original self—and their future.
One of the problems with technology is that it speeds up the process of getting to know your potential love interest, leaving little time to actually get to know each other in depth. Old-fashioned courtship used to take in excess of two years (to get to know all of self; family; friends—all aspects of life); where as now, it can take as little as three to six months. It's almost as if partners today have to, in a sense, relearn that old-fashioned tradition of courting—that whole getting to know someone process—forward, and then backwards, slowing down a little, to include getting to know original self. It can get a little confusing.
So what's the bright side to dating in the IDK zone?
Let time do its magic. Introduce your potential life partner to all of you, including your original self; and then to the remaining aspects of your life—because that is what takes the most time, and the part of the process partners are familiar with.
The point is, there is no magic. It is all about awareness. And of course, don’t forget communication; it always will be one of the most important keys to a successful relationship.
Couples should also keep in mind that this IDK zone time frame should also be used to evaluate where you are in the relationship; listen to warning signs or red flags (if there are any); and listen to the voices inside you—to some, this is your "Angel" or "Voice of Guidance" talking; this is where you’ll either hear confirmations that you’re headed in the right direction—or that you need to take a few steps back and reassess. Remember, this is why professionals might refer to the IDK zone as the 'make it' or 'break it' point of a relationship.
And there can't be enough stress on the importance of communication—it's easy to walk away but with the knowledge and know-how, you can conquer any obstacle if you so choose.
May you be optimistic about life and all you do, not only for the remainder of this month (Optimism Month), but for the entire year through.
As always, the best of luck and for goodness sakes, don’t take life too seriously, smile and have some fun.
"There is more to life than increasing its speed." –Mohandas K. Gandhi
"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." –Chinese Proverb
Interested in this and other SJ Dating Advice Examiner articles by P.K.? Subscribe to be notified of new article posts.
