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Is the couple needing or wanting sex? (III)

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".. not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God" 1Thessalonians 4:5 ".. but the former do it out of contentiousness, not with a pure motive..." Philippians 1:17

Sex is the conjoining of two, with the pure motive to reproduce and derive pleasure. The sex appetite can have other unrelated motives. Pure sexual motive organizes the courtship acts from sexual approaches to consummation, pleasure and reproduction- serving the need. The pure motive forms a map upon that acceptable cultural and ethnic "rituals" of dating, engaging and marrying are formed.

Pure sexual motive could increase the relationship's:

1. intimacy

2. worth

3. mutual happiness

4. mutual health

5. safety and security

6. comfort

What can happen when the motive is not pure? Following the sexual revolution, using sex to alleviate stress is accepted in certain regions of the world. Others may abuse sex to avert conflict, as a way of resolving conflicts, or as a tactic to manipulate for resources and power. Not towards wellbeing, these are more or less accepted in certain communities.

Accepted as childhood sexual play and exploration, the "pure" developing motive for sex transposes (and rationalized) as being accepted as a means for more complicated ends in adult relations. The childhood sex motive is seduced to manage issues in adult relations. The pure motive for sex becomes dislodged for other motives- that may, or may not, be compatible within oneself or outside of oneself. Compatible or not, the essential purpose of the sexual covenant becomes contaminated.

Sexual appetite combined with other motives could increase:

1. bewilderment

2. disorientation

3. confusion

In a December 2005 article in the journal "Personal Relationships", authors Emily A. Impett, Letitia A. Peplau, and Shelly L. Gable reported that couple and individual health and happiness was associated with what may considered as:

• pure, approach motive for sex and partner awareness about that

Avoidance motive for sex was associated with:

• reduced happiness, health and relationship length

Considering avoidance as ironic, impure motive for sex, contaminated, or confabulated, with confusion, evasion, tactics, worry, fear, or escape, the approach motive for sex inscribes to the original purpose for that which it was intended instead. The impure, avoidance motive for sex may be a "wanting", detached from the pure "need" of it, yet acting it. It is a disingenuine sex that may be related to dissatisfaction and breakups.

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