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Is snooping ruining your chances of a relationship?

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"What's your DJ name?"

I was chair dancing to the music for an hour and decided to walk on stage and ask this tall, dark be speckled musical creature (reminiscent of Malcolm X and had game like Miguel) what type of music he was playing. From our brief exchange, I learn that DJ guy didn’t have a pseudonym. He just went by his real name, which I happily recorded in my iPhone notes along with a link to his Mixcloud.

Shortly thereafter our conversation, my Tuesday night drinking turned into an exciting Google search session. And let me tell you, it didn’t take much to discover that not only was *DJ guy “award winning,” but seemingly works a full time job, has a Facebook and even does some marketing consulting as an online blog business. So I did what any smitten girl would do: I friend requested him and a day or so later he accepted!

I already know what you’re thinking: Isn’t this the normal thing one should do to block potential douche bags and guys with police records from your life? And, I’m going to tell you that it’s not normal behavior for me because I’ve dated several guys consecutively and they all had no presence on social media. Disregarded Facebook as irrelevant, weren’t the CEOs of companies for LinkedIn standards, and just didn’t get the point of sharing personal photos on Instagram. Though in retrospect, I always thought that if one of my previous beaus ever had a twitter, he’d definitely have thousands of followers. My ex-guys were so anti-social media because, perhaps, they thought it stunted their growth into men or just didn’t see the point of sharing intimate details of their glamorous or disastrous lives. Consequently, this lack of social presence in my past relationships opened up new territory in regard to this new person of interest’s online portfolio, created like a work of art.

So, when DJ guy and I had this two minute conversation, I couldn’t wait for the first date. From my own research, I found out all this information. Things about his career, what year he bought his first motorcycle and what ballet performance he was recently moved by via Instagram, easily digitally accessible. Guilt free, I knew I was committing a single girl sin. Was I giving up my chances of a relationship from pre-screening, fantasizing about what we could be, all from a rewarding Google search that conjured up premature feelings? Or perhaps, can social media be use for more of a catalyst to go for what I want?

I sent DJ guy a message after scanning his online resume to find some sort of connection, subject line: hi there.
My first message read: Hi, it’s the Melissa from the bar. Thanks for accepting my friend request. I see your interests include some of the interests, I’m interested in. Let’s connect.” I leave my name and number at the end.

DJ Guy responded within two hours.
“Yes, we should talk sometime & see what mutually beneficial opportunities we might uncover.” He also left his phone number, so I immediately texted him.
“Hi there, it’s Melissa…”
I don’t waste any time deciding to make the first moves.
“Hey, how are you? He texted.
“Good and you?”
“Just getting ready for my gig tonight. You should come out.”
“Oh yea, what’s on the playlist that will make me wanna come?”
“Requests?”

Our text message conversations from there spiraled from music to business, to what type of food he likes cooking, referencing his Facebook and website like visual footnotes. Hash tag: food porn. I casually note that I saw this and that on his Facebook. I thought referring to his Google search number would be a dead giveaway that my hype personality may be all a jig, but he played along disregarding my blatant sarcasm- city guy!

On our second meet up, I happened to be randomly stopping by the bar after work for a drink as he was getting ready for his set. (Disclaimer: It’s not my fault he’s a dj at my neighborhood bar). I send him a quick text message while I was seductively looking over to watch him read it.

“I spy.”
After thirty minutes of unresponsiveness, I decided to walk over to the dj booth.

Enter: perky girl. He greeted me with a hug.

“Can you play a Beyoncé song?” I asked.

“You smell good.” He says.

“Thanks.”

“I want you.” he whispered as I watched him change the music to my song of choice.

Shockingly and a little aroused, there I was standing on the other side of the DJ booth feeling like I’ve been moved into this weird space of sexual observation and he had just the right view.

“Stand back.” he said. “Back more”, signaling with his hand stop as he mouthed “right there” with a thumbs up gesture.
“I wanted to see your tights.” He said. They were from Wolfords.

End Scene.

This was turning into a “How to Keep a Guy in 10 days via Facebook” type of game. Even though these meet-ups didn’t count as a first date (in my book), we were surely getting comfortable and I was very open about his social media presence from the start. Could it be that social media coup d’état is a turn off?

Finally after several days of random meet-ups and messaging, DJ Guy still hadn’t invited me to a cafe to discuss our “mutual beneficial opportunities.” While I can’t be for certain if it was because he was freaked out from all my knowledge of his social presence, I think it definitely had some association. In conclusion, I’ll stick to my usual bunch of guys (the social anti-ists), and staying away from social media and dating, for now. Moreover, for the record, DJ guy has been deleted on my Facebook. Though, what I learned is that social media is like a visual report card: its information to help you feel like you’re compatible with the person on the surface and yet you don’t have to go through the ringer to get it.

*Name as been changed.

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