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Is porn wrong in a relationship?

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Very few subjects raise the ire of women quicker than finding out their man watches porn even when they’re in a relationship. Most women feel there is no reason for porn. Heck, he can have sex with the real thing! Why would he want to watch some disgusting tramp do things no sane woman would ever do?

Ladies, I have some bad news for you. Men LOVE sex. They love thinking about it. They love plotting to get it. They love the act itself. But they really, REALLY like watching others do it! We’re visual creatures. I’m not making excuses for this, as it is just the way we’re wired. Not better or worse than women, just different. And visual stuff really gets us off.

If watching porn reduces a man’s sex drive with their partner, or interferes with their normal sex life then yes, it is a problem. And there are therapists that specifically deal with porn addiction.

But a normal, healthy male likes to watch attractive people have sex. It doesn’t mean we’re comparing you to them. THEY aren’t sleeping with us, you are! So we know which side of the bread our butter is on. Women get testy over the following comparison, but just because we drive a minivan full of kids doesn’t mean we won’t look with lust in our eyes at that new Corvette or Porsche that is always in the parking lot at work. Would we love to drive one? SURE! But that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate our van and what it does for us.

I can look at that Dallas Cheerleader, Swedish Bikini Team captain or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and admire their astounding beauty and then happily snuggle up to my sweat-pant and dirty t-shirt wearing girlfriend for a night of reality TV.

Beauty is wonderful, whether it is a painting, sculpture, automobile or photograph and it can be enjoyed just for that. But snuggling up to your sweetie on a cold winter’s night trumps all that stuff no matter what she looks like. Or maybe she’s saying exactly the same thing about ME…

I think part of the issue is that there is such a WIDE variety of porn. Some of it is just disgusting, no question. But there is a huge emerging market for high quality, beautifully shot videos for couples and women. Let’s not lump all porn into the same category. There are significant differences between Playboy and any other printed magazine. Yes, the articles really are well written! There is probably an even greater range in video. Playboy still has the best soft porn (no penetration) in the industry. But there are some great up-and-coming production companies vying for Playboy’s market. Check out the titles from Hegre-art, Nubile Films or Eros Exotica which is actually an amazingly high quality how-to site dealing with everything from initial seduction through fellatio all the way to – well, I’ll let you fill in the blanks here!

So before you have a huge fight over porn, take an evening and explore what’s out there together. You may find some videos that open dialog about some personally taboo subject you’ve been too afraid to admit intrigues you. And that could lead to some interesting trials. Hey, homework could get a lot worse…

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