The hustle and bustle of the holiday season is upon us. With secret Santa gift exchanges and the imbibement of too much liquor, dating as a single mom during the holidays is hard to do. More than likely the ghosts of bad relationships past come a haunting to remind you of not just the past, but also your present situation and the possible future – Bah Humbug! While cookies bake and eggnog shakes abound, the familiar “Hey, how are you?” text messages find their way to their expected targets. The “fishing attempts” (what my significant other likes to call them) from past relationship mistakes effectively make the hair stand up on the back of my neck and not in a good way. Phone numbers attached to no name in my address book and the visions of holiday horrors dancing around in my head. Yes, tons of insincere “Happy Holidays” messages, the uncreative “I Miss you and I’m thinking about you” text as well as some symbol that created a memory. Yeah I get it, the Chevy Chase daydream of the pool scene in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation sparked a memory of me somehow and you just couldn’t resist the urge to text or message me on Facebook. Yes that makes me feel full of the Christmas spirit inside.
Well, apparently singles don’t like being single on Christmas. The inclination to wallow in low self-esteem ranks high on the list. According to a survey from the dating site, PlentyOfFish, singles are not just hooking up with old flames but they also want to put everyone at work in the awkward position of proclaiming their feelings for their boss or coworkers. I wonder if it’s the attachment to wanting a date for New Year’s Eve or is it the fact that you want an excuse not to partake in the ugly sweater contest alone. Whatever it is, standards have lowered and hooking up with an ex seems to be on the priority list. I mean it has its advantages:
1) Hooking up with an old flame reduces the anxiety and the work associated with actually meeting somebody new and the possibility of not getting laid
2) It’s cold outside and you need a warm body to cuddle up with and you already know how warm your ex is
3) Now you have an answer for the question from Aunt Tilly about whether you are dating someone. You can tell her you and your ex are still talking even though the only thing you actually said to each other was the text message of Happy Holidays and What are you doing tonight?
So what gives? According to the survey, 57% of singles often feel lonely during the holidays. Of the 9,000 POF users between the ages of 19 and 40, about 40% want to hook up with their high school sweetheart. For the ladies it’s 41% of them want to hook up with an ex. Now we can all thank Facebook for helping us to find our high school sweethearts. We can also thank Facebook for helping 82% of single women monitor their dates while they are away for the holidays. Apparently we are an untrusting and jealous bunch of singles out there. Not only do we use Facebook to find our high school sweethearts to hook up with we want to make sure our significant others are not doing the deed to us. Tsk! Tsk!
I wonder if we all still want the awkwardness associated with that moment from 20 years ago or do we believe we got better with age? Apparently 26% of those surveyed have in fact slept with an ex over the holidays. What I find interesting is that more women plan on meeting up with an ex over the holidays than men. Does this shock you at all? Women are the ones most untrusting of their men and watching their moves on Facebook, yet single women are also the ones more likely to be hooking up with an ex over the holiday. I agree with the findings of the survey so much that I asked my significant other how many past flames have contacted him so far. Apparently he is beating me on the numbers game. He had two text messages yesterday from old flames wishing him a Happy Holidays and I only had one. Per my S.O. “You can tell it’s a fishing game. When it’s followed by. . . How have you been? OR What have you been up to? Then the conversation turns into how much they miss me or something reminded them of me. Same old blah blah drama.” My text from an old flame was much more straight forward, “What do you need from me to date me?” I answered, “Nothing because I won’t date you.”
Office holiday parties under the mistletoe?
In the office it’s closing out the end of the year. Everyone’s on vacations and lunches get longer. The office holiday party includes two free drink tickets and those not going help the alcoholics indulge by giving away their tickets. This can get people into hot water. Apparently 19% of those surveyed would reveal feelings for a coworker after a few drinks and 15% would do so under the mistletoe. I think mistletoe should be banned at all offices and written as such in HR policies. In the same survey, 30% of men would hook up with their boss at the holiday party if the offer was on the table.
As the proverbial anti-slogan should be, I'd like you to take heed and “Just don’t do it!” When it comes to hooking up with old flames it’s a bad idea all around. It’s an emotional wrecking ball (think Miley Cyrus) that we don’t want to re-explode back into our lives. We have all grown up and grown past our old relationships. Been there and done that. Ain't Nobody Got Time for Dat! As with all ghosts of our past relationships, leave the past in the past. If you find it hard to do, keep yourself occupied and do volunteer work. Stay off of Facebook and the temptation to check on your man. Allow him a few days to miss you so that you are absolutely irresistible by New Year’s. Enjoy your single-dom and get on an online dating site and meet some great people to begin conversations with and share stories with.
Read more from Week.com and Sarah Gooding who helped conduct the survey over at: Tis the Season for Having Sex with old flames and ruining your office reputation.