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Is he interested or just playing games?

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Dear Deborrah:
Met this man a few weeks ago, and since then have either been talking or texting everyday. There also has been a lot of flirting between us, but when I ask him to go hangout or go do anything he always says he has "things " to do.

I don't know if he's genuinely interested and wanting to take things slow, or if he's playing games. We're both in our mid-30s, so playing games in relationships just isn't in my program; but I'm writing to you to make sure I'm not being too harsh.

I really like this man but his actions are driving me crazy.

Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused:
Forget him. He's just stupid. No man in the age group you describe talks or texts with a woman EVERY SINGLE DAY that he has no interest in.

With that said, the fact that he avoids interacting face to face with said woman means one of three things:

  1. he has something to hide, like a girlfriend or a wife. He can't risk being seen in public with you on a date because it will cause problems;
  2. he is broke or cheap and doesn't want to spend any money taking you out to do anything; or
  3. he stays in touch because he is hoping that his repeated denials of access will get you frustrated with his busyness that you'll stop asking him to go out and instead invite him to come over to your house.

It's one of those three things and probably a combination thereof, otherwise he would have asked you out.

Otherwise he would have taken you up on one of your offers to hang out, because he would have wanted to see you.

Otherwise he would not be trying to "date" by text and phone like a teenager.

Bottom line, this is just game. Sorry, tired, leftover-from-his-twenties nonsensical player game.

Sadly, lots of dumb, lonely women fall for it. They end up being screwed. Literally.

My problem with you is I'm not understanding at all what it is you like about him when he isn't showing much if any real interest in you. Sounds like your interest is all in your head because he keeps you at arms length and doesn't give you anything solid to base an emotional connection on him with.

My advice to you is that you stop answering the phone when he calls, and that you immediately delete any texts he sends. He wants to act like a toddler... put him in the corner on a time out! Put some emotional distance between you and this guy. Get out and meet other men.

This guy is a loser and a chump.

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