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Is David Beckhan handsome enough to make soccer work in Miami?

Beckham holds a ceremonial 'ball of money' for local pols
Beckham holds a ceremonial 'ball of money' for local pols
Larry Marano/Getty Images

David Beckham is confident of a ‘done deal’ for a new soccer stadium.

The extremely handsome former soccer star insisted that while a deal will take time, the new facility “will be built downtown.

For example, we don’t mind tearing down part of the Perez Art Museum Miami for the thrill of eliminating more public bay front.

PAAM has been there for almost 4 months and around here, that’s old stuff.”

The Mayor and Commissioners have promised us that we will be downtown no matter how far they have to bend.”

Beckham says “The City of Miami deserves a world class soccer stadium and they don’t care how much it costs. Just look at how proud the people of Miami are with the Florida Marlins deal.”

The Dolphins didn’t get their public funding because I’m more handsome than Stephen Ross.”

I’ve been assured by the powers to be that money is no object when you’re capable of cutting unnecessary programs like bus service, school lunches and day care to make room for another stadium. We’ll take a lesson from the Governor on that.”

When asked if people will support soccer in Miami he said, “We’ve got County Commissioners, their families and friends, and the mayors, councils, their staffs, friends and neighbors in over 35 cities, towns and villages to schmooze in Dade County alone. That’s a good base!”

Innovations for the new stadium will have fans from the entire region drooling.

Although parking at the stadium itself will cost the same as the monthly lease on your new car, outlying parking lots will be serviced by buses that will be taken off their regular routes just for the games. We’ll provide an app for the regular riders so can find alternate transportation.

“When you leave the game just after halftime, we’ll text you the highlights for the drive home.

Beckham said that he’s eager to develop the same metropolitan stadium experience offered at American Airlines Arena, the downtown home of the NBA’s Miami Heat including the rush for the exits and the dash for the cars for the typical after game traffic jam. That’s all part of the experience.”

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