Kelly, 36, had met Luke, 24, at work and they hit it off. Kelly had been married and divorced and had 2 kids. Luke, on the other hand, was not too long out of college, was a part-time model and in Kelly’s opinion, was living a totally different kind of life than she was. To her surprise, Luke made it no secret that he had a little crush on her and they finally ended up having lunch together. Although they laughed and enjoyed each other’s company, when the check arrived, Luke made no effort to pay it. Kelly finally picked up the check and as she was taking money out of her wallet, Luke put a $10 bill on the table. The bill was $30 and he had barely covered the cost of his sandwich, let alone her meal and drinks.
That was the first red flag for her. Later, at a company function, a group of 4 of them were sitting at a table and had been taking turns going up and getting the drinks. When Luke seemed to be on the way to the bar by himself, Kelly asked him to bring her a glass of wine, and he responded, “You act like we’re on a date or something.” There were several other incidents when Kelly expected Luke to act like the ‘man’ and either ask her on an actual date or at least attend to her needs when they were in a group setting.
Neither of which he did. Luke would text Kelly at around 8 or 9 o’clock in the evening, asking if she wanted to meet up somewhere and ‘hang.’ She would tell him that it was too short notice and that he would have to let her know a few days in advance if he wanted to get together.
Kelly and Luke could never quite get on the same wavelength and she came to the conclusion that they were indeed from 2 different generational mindsets. She expected to be wined and dined and courted, while Luke believed in group outings, hanging out and eventually hooking up and sleeping together.
It’s especially difficult for many women (especially those who have been married) to accept this new trend. Some have said that it’s the end of courtship. Although women over 35 will be resistant to it, young millenials (people born in the 80’s and 90’s) truly don’t know any better. Dinner and a movie is as obsolete as a pay phone to this generation and with many people delaying marriage, there is not a whole lot of motivation for a man to put the work in to find a wife. No one in their 20’s and early 30’s is looking for a wife and the economy is so bad that most guys have absolutely no desire to spend their hard earned bucks on some chick.
Darrion Finley, 19, a student at Columbia College described an ‘encounter’ he had recently with a female classmate.
“I noticed her before and she was cute. I gave her my number and she actually called and invited me to lunch. I hope she wasn’t expecting me to pay for anything because I didn’t. She paid for our lunch and asked me if I wanted to go to a movie – her treat.” When asked whether he thought she was ok with paying for everything and whether he thought that was the right way to treat a woman, Darrion answered, “Times have changed. I’m not spending my money on some girl when there are plenty of women willing to spend their money on me.”
So, not only has dating fallen to the wayside, so have the standards of young women. Observe any group of high school students and you will see groups of guys having a ball with each other and girls trying to get their attention. 20 years ago, it was the exact opposite. Girls are working way too hard when they are the ones who really have the power and always will. They just don’t know it. Courtship doesn’t have to go away. There will always be a place for a man to act like a gentleman because, at the end of the day, that is the guy who will ultimately get the girl.
If you are a frustrated young woman, or perhaps the parent of one, you must refuse to accept any treatment that is anything less than what you deserve. Some things never change and if a guy really cares and really wants you – he will put in the work.
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