Tension, anger and anxiety, are part of being disabled. One must face this fact. Although it may only consume a small portion of your day, it may, as well, fill many of your waking hours. If the latter case is your reality, you might consider getting help by seeing a psychologist or therapist, AKA a counselor. Additionally, having a close trusted friend with which to pour your anger and frustration out, can help tremendously.
“Why Me” anger, is the most prevalent kind of anger felt. It has roots in wanting to blame something outside of ourselves, without the acceptance of our fate, so sorely needed. In order to move on, to get a modicum of peace, we must be brave and accept what is; accept the reality of disability. Whether accident or disease, a wound or being in the wrong place at the wrong time, anger has the potential to eat us alive and spit us out with bitterness all around.
Resentment is a rather rotten cousin to anger, often showing up with ego driven comparisons to 'others'; which we need none of. Many times we might feel as the old Groucho Marx saying, that went something like: “I wouldn’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” Particularly with loved ones trying to care for you, you resent them for valuing you, for letting you into the club.
Frustration with your slowness, or of not being able to do those things you did before, hurts to the core. Miscommunication or foul-ups can drive most any person to erupt in anger, much less a disabled person who just wants to fit in. Your body won't cooperate and it's frustrating!
Unleash your tirades onto a trusted buddy. By telling and talking, venting, it soothes the molten lava of anger in your gut by letting it surface. A family member can do this too, but depending on you, you may prefer a friend. Express your anger by talking. Tell what and why you feel so bad, so angry about. This helps a lot by the way. If you have not gotten to acceptance yet, or you’ve kind of relapsed into denial and hurt anger, talk to a close friend about it. Just don’t express yourself with any violence. Keep a pillow nearby to pummel. Shedding tears never hurt either, either with that friend or alone.
If none of that works for you, and anger is ruining your marriage and friendships, you must consider a therapist or counselor. A professional therapist will be able to sort out your anger from your fear, your resentment in proportion to expectation. They guide you through your expressions of anger, and help you determine what’s real and what’s self created. In the event you need medication, they can also refer you to an MD. psychiatrist.
Here are some web sites to investigate and try: psychologytoday.com to locate a therapist, or findapsychologist.org -to help there as well. And the California Psychological Association - cpapsych.org/
The important issue is you cannot bury anger, it will always creep in, lash out or explode in a negative way. You must resolve it, or at least get it under control, for your family, for yourself, for your health and to heal your psyche, your head, your well being.