Most reading this are keenly aware of the imprint made on our respective individual development and personality formation by those who reared us. After all, human bonding and those behaviors and other things that enhance or conversely disrupt it has been the subject of countless research projects, papers, books, articles and such down through the years; and more than a few movies, novels and such to boot. As a result, few among us have not heard of Dr. Sigmund Freud’s pioneering work on the influence of parents and caregivers on the development of the infant psyche with a special emphasis on psychosexual stages of development, Jean Piaget’s work on stages of development or the trailblazing body of humanistic theory and application made by people such as Drs. Abraham Maslow , Carl Rogers , and a host of other luminaries. If you somehow were not exposed to this body of theory, clinical research and yes, at times sheer speculation – or were but need a “refresher” -- you can get a very concise bird’s eye view of the major schools of psychological thought by clicking this link.
Of course, when childhood bonding and nurturing go awry, the consequences can be devastating on many levels. Consider Adolf Hitler, whose mother doted on him and whose authoritarian father drank to excess and visited all manner of cruelty on him (including once having beaten him so unmercifully as to put him in a coma for three days.) It takes little reflection to realize how this kind of abusive upbringing couldn’t but distort and pervert the feelings and perceptions of any young person. In addition, there is some evidence indicating Hitler was aware that his paternal line included at least one person of the Jewish faith (Recent genetic analyses of living descendents in the Hitler family line indicate there was definitely Jewish ancestry involved.) If so, it follows that his pathological antisemitism and genocidal campaign against the Jewish people once in power in Germany (1933-1945) was inspired in at least some part by a desire, perhaps mostly subconsciously, to punish his “tainted” father.
Psychiatrists, psychologists, anthropologists and others have much to say about the various players in and contributors to the genesis of various personality disorders, mental and emotional illnesses and such. As one somewhat steeped in evolutionary psychology, I tend to focus on the role of infant and childhood bonding or attachment style in shaping both healthy and conversely unhealthy “neural operating systems” (psyches.) It is, in my opinion, a robust area of psychology that has much to offer in terms of illuminating how attachment disorders lend many folks to develop coping mechanisms for dealing with life’s vicissitudes and daily social and familial challenges in ways that are defective or which leave them often disappointed, frustrated and robbed of any genuine sense of joy. In addition, these attachment problems adversely affect the forging of relationships and puts those saddled with them in the position of making bad choices and perpetuating them across not just their own lifetimes but that of any children they have as well. These are bona fide “transgenerational curses” of a sort.
It is, of course, beyond the scope of a brief article like this one to even begin to do justice to this vibrant area of human inquiry. However, I can point those interested in knowing more anout attachment style, disorders and therapy to credible sources of information. Among these:
For information on Attachment style, click this link.
And in terms attachment therapy for adults, I highly recommend this clinic.
Note the litany of symptoms of “Adult Attachment Problems” on this clinic's website:
• Difficulty handling conflict with other adults. Tendency to deny responsibility for wrong-doing.
• Extreme control problems, manifested in covertly manipulative or overtly hostile ways.
• Difficulty showing empathy, remorse, trust, and compassion with others.
• Lack of the ability to give and receive genuine affection or love - often relating sexual behavior to feelings of acceptance or closeness.
• Resistant to efforts to nurture or guide them.
• Lacking cause and effect thinking, especially when around normal thinking.
• Acting out negatively, provoking anger in others.
• Lying, stealing, cheating, and/or manipulating.
• Destructive, cruel, argumentative and/or hostile.
• Lacking self-control - impulsive.
• Superficially charming and engaging.
• Feelings of sadness and fear that are usually protected by angry behavior shown either overtly or covertly.
• Feelings of isolation and depression.
• Feelings of frustration and stress.
• Addictive behavior i.e. substance abuse, sex addiction, work addiction, gambling addiction, etc.
• Hyper-vigilant behavior, agitation and difficulty concentrating.
• Confused, puzzled and obsessed with finding answers.
• Feeling blamed by family, friends, and professionals.
• Feeling helpless, hopeless, and angry.
• Feeling that their family's problems are minimized by the helping profession.
If any of the foregoing has you wondering if you might have attachment issues or even a full blown attachment disorder, here is a link to a free on-line attachment style test . This self-administered test takes only 10-20 minutes to or so to complete; scoring is both automatic and confidential/anonymous.
If it turns out you have attachment style issues, then you likely will want to learn more. Here are some links to books that should prove helpful in this regard:
Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love (Paperback)
Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change (Paperback) – Geared more to behavioral professionals
Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy (Paperback) – Also more professional in orientation
Note the emphasis here on attachment therapy for adults. The reason for this is that attachment therapy for children is controversial and may cause harm in some instances.
Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas
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