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Invasion of the vuvuzelas

Vuvuzelas are being mass produced in countries like China, which is bad news for Wyoming ears.
Vuvuzelas are being mass produced in countries like China, which is bad news for Wyoming ears.
AP Photo/Xinhua, Wang Dingchang

“Wyoming” and "World Cup" are proper nouns seldom heard or seen in the same sentence, although it has become recently clear that they actually have at least one thing in common aside from beginning with “W”.  Unfortunately, that commonality has less to do with sports and more to do with air.

The air in Wyoming is a frequent topic of conversation, or more accurately, it is the movement of air that creates abundant discussion.  This movement of air, or wind, motivates dialog that ranges from causation to curiosity to cussing.

“Looks like it’s going to blow up a storm,” or, “Wonder how long this wind will be with us?” or merely, “D--- wind,” are typical statements that can sometimes be heard above the roar of rushing air.  Mostly, wind is an accepted yet annoying reality for the Cowboy State.

Moving air has also been creating news at World Cup matches when it is forced simultaneously from a great many human lungs into devilish contraptions called vuvuzelas (voo’-voo-zay-lahs), thereby creating a collective sound similar to the racket that might be made by several billion very angry cicadas.  To be honest, vuvuzelas raise the question whether those blowing into them were deaf from birth, or are just no longer able to hear as a natural result of having “played” the “instrument” too near the ear for more than five minutes.

Sadly, the racket emanating from South Africa on television is destined to reach Wyoming ears without the need of broadcasting because young people here are now alerted to the fact that such an annoying noise-maker exists.  Simple economics will bring the vuvuzela to Wyoming as the principle of supply and demand plays out in the shopping areas of our cities.  We can only hope that roadside stands will not also spring up making this weapon of decibel destruction even more accessible.

Aside from kids wanting and buying vuvuzelas, they may also sell to a few grandparents who are out for revenge on children that were overly loud and/or ornery when being raised.  There may be a few long, slender packages delivered to unsuspecting households full of children by drive-by grandparents who will sanely choose not to stick around for the “music”.

At any rate, World Cup Soccer will most likely bring a new toy to Wyoming that people over thirty can forever dislike.  Simply stated, the wind that people in this state have long cursed will soon have an accomplice.  Wyoming will always have those days when the wind howls and simple, outdoor conversations become screaming matches.  In the near future, however, the serenity that used to accompany calm air will now be filled with the bothersome buzz that signals the insidious invasion of the vuvuzela.

To use those “W” nouns in the same sentence for a third time, Wyoming can thank the World Cup for the imminent assault of the vuvuzela and a subsequent increase of noise pollution. 

On second thought, thank you might not be the appropriate- or desired- choice of words.


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