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Intruding upon marriage

What's going on with us!
What's going on with us!
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Is it possible that some marriages fall apart due to the intrusion of negative people, friends or family? There are already so many stressors that invade the spiritual and intimate connections of married couples so to allow other people to create friction for you is just added trouble. It is vital to identify who that person is and limit your interaction with them; only you and your spouse know who that is in your circle.

The fight could be how that person is condescending, or entitled or just bring an all-round negative vibe when they’re around. Some would say it’s just completely crazy to allow someone to have that much influence on your marriage, but it happens. In a case like this one maybe couples should just agree to maintain some distance from that person. Now, the other argument is one spouse is just not as bothered by said person, again, you know who that is.

When this happens and couples just can’t agree on the influence of that person on the marriage bad things can happen. Is it possible that it is very insensitive to not even consider how your spouse reports feeling when said person is around? Besides, the feelings beings expressed are that spouses, it is what he or she is feeling. What is absolutely devastating is when couples, instead of divorcing that friend or family member, they divorce each other.

There is a reason why your spouse dislikes that person; they bring a sense of disconnection in your marriage every time they’re around. That is why some spouses can’t seem to be able to “put their finger on it” or tell you “you’re just different when their around”. That difference could be good or bad, maybe your personality changes to accommodate that other person or maybe they make you angry at which point you take your frustration out on your spouse. Either way this behavior is not healthy and creates intrusion on your marriage.

And by the way, the reason no one can seem pin point the problem at times is because it is what some would call a spiritual attack. That is because it is not objects or events that change, it’s the unseen, it’s you mood, personality and characteristics that change. The intrusion is not all ways seen, bare that in mind. While a barrier might not be what your property needs, it is what your marriage needs.

When we talk about building a safety net in your marriage, we're actually talking about constructing a mutually respected and protective investment that will allow your marriage to flourish like never before. We take steps to protect the things we value. We teach our kids not to run into the street, we insure our houses and maintain our cars. Your marriage is easily your life’s greatest investment and would manifest better relationship if it we’re treated as such.

Try to give priority to your marriage and positive people whether they’re friends or family. The greatest gift you can give to your children is to love their Dad or Mom. The subtle trap that so easily derails us is that this priority becomes lost among other pursuits, like work, children, and our own goals and dreams. We have to confess that earlier in our marriage we didn’t think about protecting our marriage.

We just assumed we wouldn’t need it! We were so sure that neither of us would ever be capable of straying into infidelity, over working or simple self-centeredness, that we didn’t even entertain putting up emotional and spiritual safety guards to protect our marriage relationship. It’s pretty naïve to think that the fire you feel for each other through wedding and honeymoons would be sufficient enough to sustain the marriage for years to come.

Life happens, interests change over time, people come in and out of your lives, and a marriage continues to evolve. As those things happen you have to work at keeping up with each other. You have to check in with each other, not about where you’re at or who’s on the phone; those are a totally different topic. I am talking about checking in spiritually and emotionally. Guarding your marriage from outside influence and conflict is key for bettering the changes of a harmonious, loving marriage.

Not everyone, even those close to you, cares if your marriage is successful, not every situation leads itself to experiencing a stress free relationships. One intruder that is poison to a marriage is the inability to forgiven. There are two barriers to forgiveness. One is simple unwillingness, which is something each of us can decide to change.

The other is misunderstanding of what forgiveness is. When this exist in your marriage soon resentment sets in, that’s the other spiritual intruder. Once a marriage in engulfed with these issues, chances of success soon begin to dwindle. What has intruded on your marriage, a person, place, thought, feeling or emotion? Has something robbed your ability to trust?

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