Contrary to popular belief, sex and intimacy are not one in the same. It is quite easy to have sex without having intimacy. People do this all the time. The problem for many people comes when they try to have intimacy without having sex. This is not nearly as easy and it takes some work and thought to accomplish it.
In order to be intimate without having sex, the couple must know one another. You can’t have intimacy with strangers, plain and simple. Intimacy is a deep knowledge of another person, almost as if you have become a part of one another. It is a rare treasure to find true intimacy in a relationship, but when you do, you will find that there’s nothing else that can come close to replacing it.
There is an old adage that tells us that “the eyes are the windows to the soul” and this concept applies strongly to attaining intimacy. When you are trying to become intimate with someone, you should be sure that you are making and maintaining eye contact with them. This not only lets you see the feelings and emotions of the other person, but it also keeps focus and attention high between the two of you.
Although intimacy need not involve physical touch, there are times that it does. The touch of intimacy is gentle and soft, never harsh or demanding. One of the most intimate forms of touch is that of the hand to the face of your partner. A stroking of the cheek or the hair is incredibly intimate. These are not areas that a stranger would ever touch, at least not one with good manners or intentions. There are also forms of touch that are not active, but can increase intimacy, such as talking with your hand on your partner’s leg.
When you are intimate with someone, you should be able to trust that person and be trusted by them, as well. There should be no fear in revealing yourself and your secrets to one another. Speaking softly to one another is generally the tone that intimate moments take on. They are not loud and boisterous. There is no need to be since your full attention is on one another.
Intimacy is not something that can be rushed. It is something that grows between two people over time. While you might be able to meet someone and jump right into a sexual relationship with them, this should in no way be misconstrued as being an act of intimacy. To develop an intimate relationship, you are going to have to invest yourself into it. Spend time being attentive to your partner, looking into one another’s eyes, softly touching, and building trust together. These are the things that will build intimacy and have nothing at all to do with sex.