Jonathan Pinnock is the author of the online anthology of stories chronicling the adventures of Mrs Darcy whilst in the midst of an alien invasion. Mrs Darcy vs the Aliens if a fun romp through several characters’ interactions with the horrible fiends from space.
I present to you, Mrs Bennet’s interview with Jonathan Pinnock. I was busy this week and she had time. With three daughters recently married, she has a few more hours in the day to pass now.
Mrs Bennet: Well Mr Pinnock, I suppose you think yourself too fine to be speaking with the likes of me. I don't consider myself to be a great reader like my second eldest daughter, Mrs Elizabeth Darcy (she is married to THE Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy of Derbyshire, you must know), but I have indeed heard of your work and I must say that I am shocked. I dare say I sat in bed and had Hill tend to me for three days straight for fear I had my poor nerves worked upon too fiercely by your prose.
Is it true your story discusses the possibility of aliens probing the good people of our country society? I'll have you know I dine with four and twenty families and not a one of them have ever uttered such falsehoods!
Pinnock: Dear lady, heaven forfend that I should consider myself too fine to speak with you! However, I must warn you that these aliens of which I speak are insidious shape-shifting creatures and ofttimes have insinuated themselves into the highest families in the land. Doubt has lately even been cast upon the true status of Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy himself! But fear not, our country is safe under the protection of such brave and upstanding gentlemen as Mr George Wickham. I believe you are acquainted with him?
Mrs Bennet: Oh my yes! Mr Wickham is recently married to my youngest and most beloved daughter Lydia. She is a dear girl! Much admired by all the men in the regiment, but Wickham was the one who won her heart. I always told the girls he was more than he let on to everyone in the neighborhood.
But what is this you speak of Mr Darcy? I do agree that he is a proud sort of fellow, but I always thought he kept good friends.
Pinnock: You should be aware that Mr Darcy appears to keep some very curious friends, although not all of them possess tentacles. Speaking of Lydia, by the way, I must say, madam, that I admire your continuing stoicism in the face of the news that she is still missing, perhaps even kidnapped. It must surely be a terrible trial to you.
Mrs Bennet: Well, *ahem*, while Lydia is very spirited and, as I've mentioned, my favorite daughter... she has been known to run about now and then. Do you insinuate her disappearance is in relation to your tale of alien beings and I've even heard talk of *gasp* tentacles? Hill! Oh Hill! Fetch me my salts! I must call Mr. Collins, my husband's good relation will know how to approach the matter. Oh what is to be done?
Pinnock: I would most strongly advise against speaking to Mr Collins. I have it on good authority that he is mixed up in this whole wretched affair with Mr Darcy. But please try not to alarm yourself unduly on Lydia's account. I am sure that Mr Wickham and Mrs Darcy are doing everything they can to locate her.
Mrs Bennet: Is there no one besides Wickham fighting the scourge? Are we safe? What is their purpose? No, don't tell me! I can't bear to hear it! Oh, please do tell me! Do what you will! You delight in vexing me.
Pinnock: They are by no means alone. Indeed, Mr Wickham has all the resources of the Department of Unusual Affairs at his disposal, including no less a person than Sir Humphry Davy, the great inventor. They are also assisted from time to time by Charlotte Collins (laudanum permitting) and her morally dubious acquaintance Lord Byron, although the less said about that particular personage the better. So fear not, Mrs Bennet! England will soon be free once again from the alien scourge. In the meantime, however, be vigilant! The truth is out there, although sadly, 'tis not yet universally recognized.
*It is here that the owner of this column, Kelly Yanke Deltener, interrupted for some much needed questions about Mr Pinnock’s future writings:
KYD: How did you become interested in Jane Austen's writing?
Pinnock: I was going to say that I only became interested in Jane Austen relatively recently, at the time of the BBC production of ‘Pride and Prejudice’, but it's just occurred to me that this was fifteen years ago! Either way, that was what grabbed my interest. My wife, incidentally, is a lifelong fan of all things Regency, although she finds my current excursions into the genre more than a little alarming.
KYD: What is next for you?
Pinnock: What's next? I would dearly love to find a publisher for it, and I'm actively pursuing this. It's been a lot of fun publishing it as a serial, but I would like it to see it in proper book form. The story has a few weeks left to run (Episode 87 will appear on Saturday, and there are going to be 100 in all, excluding the prologue and epilogue). All I'll say here is that some things will be brought to a satisfactory conclusion but there will be a couple of disturbing cliffhangers left for the next book.
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