This afternoon I was given the opportunity to interview Greg Thiel, a Certified Family Life Educator, Denver Coach Federation relationship coach and author that provides coaching for singles, premarital and married couples in metro Denver and throughout the country via phone and internet. . Greg has been in practice for six years and his wife has been in business as a life coach over 20 years. They have a marriage partnership in addition to being certified coaches. One great aspect that was learned is that they have individual expertise as well as doing some joint ministering so there is no competition. Below is a recap of the interview: DMCE – Denver Marriage Communication Examiner.
DMCE: Wanting to jump right in – I asked Greg if he found that men are more receptive to his coaching when they hear it is male?
Greg: Yes because they realize there is no male bashing but he is presenting alternative resources and solutions to issues the husband and wife are dealing with.
DMCE: Greg, I wanted to talk about your class that deals with Anger in Relationships.
My first question for you is what is the #1 cause of Anger that you have seen in your practice?
Greg: Person does not feel as if they are HEARD. They feel as if they are losing control which leads to frustration, anger, and resentment.
DMCE: Greg do you find that it makes a difference on how long the couple has been married?
Greg: Absolutely. Yes. Couples that are dating and in the precommitted stage tend to resort to models that they witnessed when they were being parented, what they saw in their environment and how they were raised. This works initially if they are pretty good listeners, but after the first child arrive it no longer works.
Push tends to come to shove and one person wants their way. As a matter of fact, they are no longer resting on being tactful per se in order to get their way, but using manipulation to get their way which leads to resentment. They are not in the position of wanting to discuss matters but get an immediate change.
DMCE: Posed this hypothetical scenario to Greg and asked how does he handle this scenario within his practice. If you have a married couple sitting in front of you where when they were dating the husband did not work and once married this continued but the wife got fed up and wanted him to work. He did not change but she did.
Greg: Stated that he would have to rely on the stereotypes for a minute because they are to some degree true. Many women have the idea they have the ability to transform the guy they are dating because if he truly loves her he will do this for her. Difficulty arises when there is a combination of finances and the wife becomes resentful if she feels as if she is working, as well as taking care of the household, etc.
In marriages, the statistic which says household duties are usually split 50/50 we are finding is not correct it is more like 70/30.
As a matter of fact, we are finding out even now. That as much as 50% of the women during these economic times are bringing in the finances and their income is more than the spouse.
DMCE and Greg had such an awesome interview, you will have to come back for part 2 and possibly part 3. We have not even scratched the surface of what he shared.
Greg R. Thiel's business is called Connection Coaching, LLC which you can contact him through the link. Be sure and visit his site, he teaches through Colorado Free University, Arapahoe Community College as well as a guest speaker at churches.
Join me tomorrow as we continue this interview about Anger in relationships with Greg Thiel, Certified Family Life Educator.