Yesterday, I interviewed Dr. Susan Heitler, a Clinical Psychologist in Denver. Dr. Heitler also provides marriage workshops. She had so much wonderful information to share with the readers, it was important to continue here today.
Communication is very important in marriage no matter what stage your marriage is - whether it is days, weeks or even years old. Just as important is the tone that is set when you are communicating. Dr. Heitler says the "Quantity of Positivity" is also important. These words should be used a lot in communication with couples – agree, love and yes. When you hear a couple talking and these words are coming out, I agree, yes, I appreciate and interesting this is a couple that has good communication. The tone as well as words show positivity. The less the word NOT shows up makes a difference.
From my own personal experience, when communicating with my husband it does make a huge difference if the tone is positive or negative. The conversation can also go downhill when the tone is not positive.
Another must for couples according to Dr. Heitler, is they MUST have the ability to make decisions together that constitute a WIN/WIN situation.
Meaning either both fo left or there is a Tug of War. Clearly if there is a tug of war, no one will win.
When decisions are made united and agreed upon it feels good to both. However, if one goes left and the other goes right, then there is tension in the relationship. This can also lead to communciation breakdown.
Lastly, if one feels they have ot manipulate the other which can be seen as coercion, then it will cause anger.
Dr. Heitler truly provided a wealth of information for married couples regarding communication. Her practice is located in Rose Medical Center. I encourage you to contact her through
http://www.therapyhelp.com if you have any questions or are seeking a local marital therapist that can aid you in marriage communication.