As a recently single girl coming out of a semi-serious relationship, our formerly Single Gal Pal of the week, Allison, shares some helpful tips with single ladies.
I always tell my friends who are trying to get back into dating, or who are hoping to get into a serious relationship, you need to date yourself first."
According to Allison, you need to trust yourself, love yourself and find out what it is that you want and expect from yourself. If you don't do any of these things, what makes you think that someone else will?
Allison broke up with her former significant other in the beginning of November, and it took nearly three months, thirty-one pounds, revamping her apartment, and a new job/career to find out how much she truly loves herself. She was able to find out how much she expects out of herself now.
You should be your biggest critic and your number one fan, because if you can't have this self-loving, self-motivated, self-driven attitude about yourself, no one else can either. You may find 'love', if you will, but it will only be temporary love. It will be time wasted with someone because you haven't found out enough about yourself to determine what can possibly last long-term.”
If you don’t know who you are, what you want out of life, and if you don’t have a general idea of what you expect out of a significant other, then your relationship will start to plateau, and you will most likely reach a point where you say to yourself, “I am not learning anything from this relationship. I am not becoming a better person as a result of the two of us being together.”
This is why so many relationships are doomed from the very beginning. We fall victim to society’s accepted dating norms, and create our own fantasies about what relationships should look like on paper, as opposed to what they truly should be.
“I want to date someone like Robert Pattinson,” or “I want to be in a relationship like Brad and Angelina. They’re so beautiful and accomplished.” The fact that we use television and gossip magazines to dictate our own relationship expectations is disheartening. We seem to forget the age-old mantra, “You can never know what someone’s life is like until you have walked in their shoes.” The seemingly perfect relationship is often times completely imperfect and damaging.
A better way to approach a relationship might be asking yourself whether or not your companion makes you happy and gives you peace of mind. Can you laugh with this person? Could you potentially spend the rest of your life with this person without him/her driving you absolutely insane? Do you share the same values and level of appropriateness in social situations? Do you have any common interests? Are you capable of spending time apart? Do you get along with his/her friends and family?
Here are some questions that Allison asks herself before dating anyone:
1. Who am I?
2. What do I love about myself?
3. What am I afraid of? How can I overcome this?
4. What is my over-all challenge and/or goal (i.e., It could be losing 5 pounds, going to church, getting that promotion at work, graduating from college, obtaining your law degree, etc.)?
5. What can I expect from myself that I want to soon expect from a significant other?
After several months of remaining single and answering these questions for herself, Allison eventually opened her heart back up to the possibility of love, and started dating again.
Since February, she has been dating a wonderful guy who she can laugh with, cry with and share her most intimate desires and aspirations with.
Interested to find out where Allison met this dream guy at? Read "Where to meet local singles" to find out!