I am from the Bayview Hunter's Point area of San Francisco, but was lucky enough to get great grades in school, and a scholorship to college. My parents are so proud of me and I marvel at how different my life is from the girls I grew up with.
Right now I am living in Japan and have been for over a year. I have been dating a Japanese guy for about 11 months. Although he treats me like a queen; something is missing. Before I met him I had never dated interracially and find that I am missing what I used to get from dating a Black man. The most basic thing missing here is a common background/upbringing.
The whole discovery thing took place over about a six month period, so I only recently realized what I felt. Although the Japanese culture is interesting, I miss what I know. I have sadly realized that I do not love him as much as he loves me, but he is talking marriage and long term commitment.
My plans are to leave Japan and go to graduate school in the UK in July. My question to you is should I let him wait for me as he plans to or just end it before I go?
Some years ago I might have answered your question a lot differently than I am going to answer it now. The more years I've spent in the dating and relationship advice field, and the more I see and hear from people around the world, the more I realize that women are stupid.
With that said, listen to this.
You have in your hands and arms a man that loves you, that treats you like you are special and unique and precious. You have in your hands a man that wants to be with you for the rest of his life, that will honor and respect and adore you.
Yet you write me whining about some nonsense that you "are used to" which evidently didn't get you anywhere. Right? Because you sure didn't mention how any of those BLACK men treated you like you were a queen!
Girlfriend, life is about changing. A young lady that had the gumption and skill set to get her butt out of the projects of Bayview/Hunter's Point and onto the fast tract of academic success via international studies and a graduate degree from Oxford University is special indeed. Why you are wasting your time focusing on the past and longing for someone that has a similar ghetto upbringing is beyond my understanding.
My very first boyfriend was half Chinese/half Hawaiian. Stanley was tall, beautiful, had golden brown skin, big brown eyes, full juicy lips, and he totally adored me. My problem was that I was only 16 and my Dad wasn't having it. I often wonder where he ended up, and how my life would have been different if I had been just a little older and able to do what I wanted without the "minor child" limit.
Black women are slowly embracing interracial relationships with men of other ethnicities. Over the past year or so there have been several books written by Black females about dating outside the race. For some reason Black women have clung to the Black man and accepted disrespect, abuse, cheating and a host of other negative behaviors simply because they were too stubborn to date men of other races.
I advocate opening the door to love from whatever source it comes because Black women deserve to have love and the devotion of an adoring partner just like women of any other race.
Since you don't the "minor child" problem that I had at 16, you are free to do whatever you want with whomever you want to do it. What I don't want you to do is discount the value of the love you have while you fantasize that you would get anything better from a Black man, just because he grew up in the projects eating hot dogs, pork rinds, Kool Aid and collard greens like you did! That is a really dumb way to choose a mate.
A woman must choose her mate from the mindset and lifestyle, educational and financial success level that she is at RIGHT NOW. She should choose a mate that is in agreement with her way of thinking about gender roles in marriage, raising a family, morals, values, and forward growth. You should be looking for a partner that is on your current level, not worrying about some jackleg suckas from your past that obviously aren't on your level in any way.
Remember, the girl in the projects is not you, not anymore. If you truly cannot reconcile your current self and your humble beginnings, I suggest you investigate counseling. It is going to be necessary for you to stop looking behind you at what used to be, and turn around and look forward to all the glory, riches, blessings and love that can be yours if you open your mind to the fact that love may come to you wrapped in a package that you never expected.
I cannot tell you whether to let this man go or not - that has to be your sole decision. Black women are very stubborn and only recently beginning to broaden their horizons and investigate love, commitment and marriage in large numbers with men of other races. It's funny because Black men have been dating and marrying women of other races in large numbers for decades.
You must learn to accept love, understand the blessings you have received, and stop negating it just because it doesn't come wrapped in the chocolate brown package that you thought it would.