International Dating, an exotic departure from domineering relationships

International Marriage Services, a Way for Some American Men to Escape Domineering Relationships

By Brian Collins

Some of you may have never heard of an international marriage agency. Such agencies allow Americans to travel to a country of their choosing for the sole purpose of bringing home a spouse. The process is fairly straight forward, and the service is primarily used by American men in search of international wives. All you have to do is get on line or telephone and begin your application process. After you pay the fee, you may begin your journey. The spouse is not picked for you by the agency. Rather, you travel to the country where the agency is based. There is where you contact the agency in person, and are allowed to meet a variety of women who are seeking a chance to marry an American man.

One might ask, why are these women seeking a chance to marry an American man and potentially leave their country of origin forever. To answer this question, we must take a look at where these agencies are primarily based. It is also important to observe the ways marriage is viewed in these countries.

First, let’s talk about where these agencies tend to be located. International marriage agencies of this nature tend to be housed in Eastern Europe in places like Romania, Russia, and Kazakhstan. These countries have a common cultural link that views marriage very differently from the standard U.S. view of marriage. It is not easy for a woman to remarry in these countries, and, in fact, their culture teaches that a woman is somehow impure and unfit to remarry after a first marriage. Sadly, this is true even of women faithful to husbands who died of a tragic illness. As a result, many widows in Eastern European countries are left alone with their children and with little hope of finding another life companion. Many of these widows become involved with these international marriage agencies with the hope of remarrying and prospering in the years to come.

Andrea Hayman is a professor of English as a second language at Front Range Community College. She also teaches in the extensive English program at Colorado State University. She observed the struggles of her international students and decided to form an intercultural relationships group at Front Range Community College. She says, “even though I am an American woman married to an American man, I felt like I wanted to support my students and I learned a lot in the process.”

This group was created for intercultural couples, consisting mainly of American men married or at least seriously committed to women from countries other than the United States. Many of these couples were products of international marriage agencies. As the group meetings continued, Andrea became increasingly curious of the motives American men had for traveling far and wide to meet the loves of their lives. She decided to ask for responses from the men at one of the meetings.

She noticed two common themes. Many of these men had noticed a departure from the old fashion way of life in their relationships with American women. Many felt that they did not wish to be with a woman who was empowered and assertive. They were tired of women who had high professional standing and of women who constantly talked back to them. To solve these relationship issues, many of the men in Andrea Hayman’s group looked to international marriage agencies to find a wife that was taught to be more old fashion. The ability to protect their wives became apparent to many of these men. In Andrea’s words, “when you are living here and you are an American guy, you tend to have more of the control and the power because you know the system and the culture here.” The other main theme was that these men enjoyed a sense of having a foreign country they could view as a second home. In this view, it is exotic and interesting to have a wife from a foreign country. Moreover, it is intriguing to travel with her to her home land and to be accepted as her husband in her home country.

Andrea Hayman’s intercultural relationships group still meets at Front Range Community College. Although she facilitated the group initially, the group developed a spirit of its own as it grew. It got to the point where the group had such a life of its own that it no longer required a facilitator. At that point Andrea bowed out gracefully, happy to know that she had accomplished her goal in creating a support system for her international students.