Insights on infidelity gained from Elizabeth Edwards' book, Resilience

The new paperback edition of Elizabeth Edwards' book,
Resilience contains valuable insights on infidelity. Photo: AP

There are some valuable lessons to be learned about infidelity from the paperback version of Elizabeth Edwards’ book Resilience, which was recently released as a paperback book.

This new version of Resilience includes information about Elizabeth Edwards' decision to divorce John Edwards for his infidelity, which was not a part of the hardcover edition released last year.

Infidelity Insights from Elizabeth Edwards’ Book

As a nationally-recognized infidelity expert who has been researching infidelity for the past 16 years, I was invited to do a number of TV, newspaper, and online interviews last year when the hardcover edition of Elizabeth Edwards’ book came out.

In my television interviews (WCBS News, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and others), as well as my interview with CNN.com, I pointed out that in Resilience, Elizabeth Edwards calls attention to several aspects of infidelity that often go unnoticed or ignored.

Below are three points Elizabeth Edwards made in her book, which offer important insight into infidelity which can benefit other women who are dealing with a mate’s extramarital affair.

1. Elizabeth Edwards Vomited When John Edwards Confessed His Affair

In recounting her reaction when John Edwards confessed his affair to her, Elizabeth said, "I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up."

Though it’s not often written or spoken about, it’s well-documented that infidelity victims often experience physical reactions such as nausea, diarrhea, gastro-intestinal disturbances, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, severe headaches, loss of appetite, and insomnia – just to name a few. These are aspects of infidelity that most people who have never experienced infidelity are not privy to. See What Ordinary Women Do When Their Husbands Cheat

The trauma of infidelity can also cause infidelity victims to experience PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms such as depression, anxiety, raging anger, intense shame, guilt, hyper-vigilance, flashbacks, nightmares, and more. Because of this, many marriage and family counselors are now beginning to use trauma-based therapies to treat victims of infidelity.

2. Elizabeth Edwards Does Not Mention John Edwards’ Mistress by Name

Although Elizabeth Edwards writes and speaks openly about her husband’s mistress in Resilience, she avoids mentioning the “Other Woman” by name. The one and only condition of Elizabeth’s print and broadcast interviews to promote the hardcover book when it came out, was her request that the interviewer not mention her John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Humter, by name. See Rielle Hunter and Other Modern Day Mistresses Who Ruined Their Lover’s Lives – part 1

It’s not unusual for an infidelity victim to refuse to refer to the cheater’s affair partner or lover by name. In fact, this is sometimes the recommended course of action for a betrayed spouse or significant other trying to reconcile with a cheating mate. See Rebuilding Your Marriage After He's Cheated on You - 12 Mistakes to Avoid

Once the affair has been brought out into the open and discussed between the two parties involved, there is nothing to be gained by constantly referring to the Other Woman or Other Man, or bringing up their name. See Do’s and Don’ts If He’s Cheating on You

For Elizabeth Edwards, or any betrayed wife to keep referring to the mistress by name, is to make her a part of the couple’s life and give the mistress more importance than she deserves. When trying to repair a marriage or relationship in the aftermath of an affair, there comes a point when the affair partner should be ignored. Both the cheater and the betrayed wife should proceed as if the mistress or lover didn’t exist. See What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why and Will He Leave You for Her?

3. John Edwards Did Not Tell Elizabeth the Whole Truth about the Affair

Even when John Edwards confessed to Elizabeth, he lied about the affair, claiming that the encounter only happened one time. In his original version of what happened, Elizabeth Edwards said her husband left out most of the truth. She writes, “It turned out that a single time was not all it was.” See Why the Wife is Still the Last to Know and 3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know.

If, and when a cheating husband finally confesses to his wife, he’s likely to conceal many of the facts surrounding the affair. It’s not uncommon for the cheater to make a ‘piecemeal’ confession, minimize his or her involvement in the affair, or to continue to lie about what happened until confronted with irrefutable proof. It may take several conversations to get the whole truth. See How to Turn the Tables on a Cheater

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*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com , the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For practical advice on dealing with infidelity, see the articles below

What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me?

Do’s and Don’ts If He’s Cheating on You

What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You

5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)

Why the Wife is Still the Last to Know

3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know

Is He Cheating? – Is She Cheating? 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)

How Do You Catch a Cheating Husband?

Will He Leave You for Her?

What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (softcover book)