Insecure. The Free Dictionary, at www.thefreedictionary.com, defines insecure as
1. Not sure or certain; doubtful
2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe
3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady
4. a. Lacking stability; troubled
b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety.
The above definition is dead on point with how many women feel in their relationships. Whenever #1 - uncertainty or doubtfulness comes into a relationship there will be a shift in demeanor. Women have a tendency to want to confirm their doubts and begin snooping. An uncertain woman will check your phone messages, emails, voicemails, and become extra observant in the things you do and say. If #2 and #3 shows up and she doesn’t feel safe or secure, she may act out and seek that safety she seeks in another man until you get your act together or she may not come back at all. Arguments will ensue if a woman feels troubled and begins to lack self confidence because of #4. She will start to question what is wrong with her and why she isn’t enough for her man. What makes a man want to step out and explore other women when he got the good- good at home? I’ll answer that question – Stupidity! It’s not that men don’t know what they have a home. They know they have a good woman and want to keep the family together (the good ones do anyway), but when some hot yamp (young tramp) walks by and throws her twat in his face, he has a hard time resisting because all the blood rushes below and then he finds himself in a sticky situation.
I always remember that scene in “Baby Boy” when Jody is yelling at Yvette to stop being so insecure and her reply to him was that if she is insure it is because of him. I can totally understand where she is coming from and what she means. Men don’t seem to understand that most women are insecure with themselves and their relationships because of what men have done to them. You can take the most beautiful woman in the world with the highest self esteem and place her in a relationship with a man that cheats and disrespects her and she will feel totally insecure and lowly. Her self-worth will deplete because the man that is supposed to build her up and make her feel safe is the one causes the issues. No woman wants to feel insure. She wants to know that she can trust her man with all that she has and all that she is. Security is one of the top 5 things women seek in a significant other. As the man, it is his responsibility to make sure he fulfills that role and treasure her. He should never be the source of her pain, but the source of her joy.
Sometimes women come into new relationships with insecurities already in place. It’s not the new man’s fault and he does sometimes have to suffer the consequences of what the last man did. In order to move forward we women have to be able to start anew. We can’t forget the past and what we have experienced, but we can learn from it and grow stronger. Our past don’t have to dictate our futures, however they should enhance them. If the ex used to cheat on me I can’t assume the new man will also cheat on me. I have to start with a new mind and give him the chance he deserves. Men, if your new woman was hurt by cheating men in her past then you may have to take an extra step to reassure her that you won’t hurt her like that. Little things like taking her out with you when you go out, letting her hang out with you and your friends, or just talking to her will make a world of difference and give her the security she seeks. It doesn’t take much to reinstall that confidence in her. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who have been hurt to the point where there is no reassuring her. You can’t go to the bathroom without being accused of cheating. If this is the case as a man you have to decide if you love her enough to fight through it and help her or if it’s a lost cause and you need to kick rocks. Insecure women are very bitter and cause a lot of drama. They are very argumentative and will embarrass you in public. If you are the type of man that loves drama then you will be in heaven with this woman, but if not you may want to slide on up out the relationship. Abuse goes both ways and as a man you may have to move on so you don’t put your hands on.
Most insecurity is brought on by men. I am a pretty secure woman. There isn’t much that can really bring me down off my high horse, but when the man I love does something that hurts me in the realm of cheating it will knock me down a peg or two. In relationships things can and will be interpret differently. Men will think it’s no big deal and shrug it off, whereas women take it personally and it can hurt them to their core. What needs to happen is for both parties to communicate how they feel with each other. Both parties need to be understanding of where the other is coming from and respect how they feel. Many times women speak to their men about how they are feeling, but he lacks the compassion to truly understand what she is saying. What may seem like innocent dancing and nothing more than a brother/sister open mouthed kiss on the check to him is saying a whole lot more to her and it’s not so innocent. Perception is the issue, but honest communication is the key to resolving the issues. Sometimes to understand each other you have to put yourself in the situation and put the shoe on the other foot. When there seems to be no mutual understanding the best thing to do is pray on it. Take your hands off of it and let God work on the both of you. Love conquers all and insecurities kill relationships. Chose your weapons wisely.