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Info 101: Beating PMS (Parked Motorcycle Syndrome)


Photo © Terje Rakke / Getty Images

The vernal equinox metamorphosis to the winter solstice is complete, and the 3rd rock from the sun's orbital plane is still ecliptic.

Or in other words, it’s freaking winter in MO and it is the pits.

I know, I know, if you’re like me, you can ride year round, but it’s those hard-core winter months on the Great Plains that can really put a crimp in your riding style.

Craftsman Lifts, up, up and away

So, what do we do about it?  After scouring the planet… OK, my garage to be totally honest, and combined with thousands of hours of diligent research… all right, a couple of hours in a few cycle related forums I peruse from time to time.  I, with the help of our peers, have come up with the perfect solution for those soul dampening winter months.

Check this out man.  First thing we have to do, is put the bike up on the lift, so you can sit on it upright like you’re riding.  (If you don’t have a lift, just set a 2x4 under the jiffy stand)

Fan: floor type, upright

Then you get one of those wally world special floor fans and set it on the ground in front of the bike. 

Get out a couple CD’s of some good old southern rock and roll, and get prepared to spend a couple hours in the saddle.

We’ve assembled most, but not all of the needed items for our cold-weather-beating, soul-regenerating illusion. 

Here is what we do…  I know you see this coming, but bare with me man, I’m diggin this bit… 


Green Grass and High Tides makes for difficult

Fire up the rock and roll, or head fixin tune-age of your choice, turn on the fan and jump on the scooter and away we go!

Ain’t this great, man?!  You have the wind in your hair, you’re grooving to some killer tunes and once again, the World spins with a negligible wobble.

Throw your feet up on the highway pegs, give a little left and right action to the handlebars every once in a while, and we can eat a couple hundred miles no sweat.

To add to the illusion have one of the kids throw some old bugs through the fan… you can find an ample supply behind the washer and dryer. At least I did. The occasional almond shot through said fan really does wonders at simulating that occasional June bug off the forehead at speed also.  I recommend wearing goggles if you’re attempting this re-creation.

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  • Lou R 5 years ago

    Thanks for the midday giggles...
    What's best about the set up? No helmet!
    Oh history says to me " Protective head gear. Look what happened last time you were standing still".

  • Patty Davis 5 years ago

    Thanks for the fun article! We did something similar when a granddaughter visited. Her very nervous mother (our daughter) made us promise "no motorcycle rides." We complied but not without a bit of fun. We set up the bike with fans blowing directly at it. We then put the granddaughter on the bike and took a picture of our granddaughter "in the wind." Freaked our daughter out :-)

  • Randy 5 years ago

    Darn Eric, I knew I wasn't feeling well but I hadn't diagnost it as PMS until now.....LOL

  • Chris Brotherton 5 years ago

    Wow, that was great! That was definitely what I needed after thinking about my poor neglected bike earlier today. I will be dragging the fan out very soon! Great article!

  • Rollover 5 years ago

    I also put the electric heater behind the fan and made it hotter! Just like mid summer!

  • Mary Baker 5 years ago


  • El Cuete 5 years ago

    Well Brother I tried what you said but when my kid threw the bugs there was dryer lint mixed in which stuck to my glasses it was like fog and I crashed into the work bench

  • Pam Montague 4 years ago

    Very funny! If we have anther winter in DC like we did last year I just may try it. :)

  • Profile picture of Dragonslayer
    Dragonslayer 4 years ago

    I had to laugh, but must be honest and say that during the summer months I have a video camera on my bike. I record the rides of some of my favorite rides. Then I edit them into a DVD formatt for viewing on the BIG screen during the winter months. Makes for some fun since the wife allows me to keep the babies ( bikes ) in the house.
    A wheel chock, a video of your favorite ride is all you need. I would never make it through the winter without this fix.
    You can see my vids for a fix on you-tube

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