Fron the forthcoming book
Adultery Case Histories ... why people cheat on their partners.
Chapter 2. Inability to cope with cultural or ethnic differences, and family interferences
America is an extremely diverse population. In years past immigrants and members of different religions tended to live in separate communities among their own ethnic and religious groups, thus being able to share traditions, language, and cultural ties. Marriages tended to remain within those cultures and communities. However, today families have more often dispersed and couples meet, fall in love, and marry outside of their ethnicity, race, or religions.
Traditions and values are not easily relinquished. With time conflicts arise, especially when children are born and each partner has their own ideas of how those children should be raised. In cases of divergent background, parental and family interference can often drive partners apart. Having a partner who does not understand you, your values, or traditions is a common cause of infidelity. The flip side to this is when couples get married due to pressures from the family, rather than love; in such cases, two incompatible people are simply not made for each other.
Dianna G. 29 – Editor international financial magazine - First Marriage:
“In my work I meet lots of foreigners, mostly male, and so it was that I met Seign. He worked here in New York for a French Bank. I admit he swept me off my feet almost immediately. Trouble is, when we were married only a little over a year, I discovered that he was still sweeping women off their feet even though we were married.
“When I confronted him with the fact I knew, I was shocked that he wasn’t in the least defensive or upset. He just pointed out that in France and in much of Europe men frequently take mistresses and lovers, and only in America are women such prudes.
“After considerable argument, discussion and some very one-sided counseling … I mean he didn’t much participate in the effort I decided that changing his value system was hopeless. He readily agreed to a divorce, and now I only date American.”
Celeste C. - 26 – Homemaker – First Marriage:
“Though I didn’t realize it our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Israel and I met in college in our senior years. It was the first time both of us were away form home and the influence of our parents. Israel was raised in a strict Orthodox Jewish home, and my family was Conservative Jews. We fell in love, got engaged, and I agreed to keep an Orthodox home. His family was cool to our engagement from the beginning. The real trouble started when we moved back to Brooklyn so he could enter the family business.
“When we were in college, he was still Orthodox, kept the Sabbath, all the holidays, kept Kosher, and I respected him for it, and changed my life to fit his. But when we moved back to Brooklyn, into an Orthodox neighborhood, and lived under the scrutiny of his family, that was more than I could take.
“Let me tell you that that was a life that I found too difficult to cope with. For someone raised in that culture I guess it comes natural, is actually loved, but for an outsider, and that’s what I felt like … well for me it was awful. As hard as I’d try, it was never good enough for his family. I really think if it hadn’t been for their interference Israel and I could have been happy. Instead of happy, I became depressed.
“Finally I decided I had to do something to get some fresh air, to be able to breeth free, so to speak, and I joined a gym … because someone told me exercise could help depression.
“Well it did. I started to have an affair with my personal trainer. Israel or his family never found out about the affair, but it proved to me that my adopted culture would never let me find happiness. Israel and I finally departed ways. I think we could have lived happily in a less strict Orthodox environment and away from his family. I’m sure his family was not too sorry to see me go.”