From the forthcoming book
Adultery Case Histories
Why People Cheat on Their Partners.
Othniel Seiden, MD & Jane L. Bilett, PhD
. Incompatibility is a very common cause for infidelity, and one of the most difficult to reconcile. If two people are on separate pages on too many facets of their relationship salvaging the union may be futile. Often one or both may drift into infidelity to seek gratification of their needs elsewhere. Divergences of deeply ingrained values, interests, or physical and psychological needs are often too difficult to resolve.
This type of infidelity may arise in couples who married due to familial pressure, at too young an age, or after a too brief a courtship, and coming from widely different cultures or religions.
Sarah C. – 32 – Homemaker – First Marriage:
“Sam and I married, by today’s standards, very young, I 19 and he 21. We came both from religious families, Orthodox Jewish. I, myself, never really took to religion, and to tell the truth, I think I married more to escape my family’s strictness than because of great love for Sammy.
“Eleven years our marriage lasted. Though we tried I never was able to conceive, by our families a disaster. Constantly they wanted to know ‘Why you won’t give us grandchildren?’ Doctors gave us no answers. Him they checked, me they checked, but no reason could they give us.
“On top of all that, the strict religious tradition I wanted to escape from my parent’s home I became responsible for in my own. Sammy wanted a religious and kosher home, and it was my duty to give it to him … not an easy thing if you aren’t truly into it yourself.
“After ten years I was getting more and more depressed with my situation. Of all things I decided to get out and do something for myself … I joined a health club. Three times a week I took two hours and went to exercise classes. I never realized how little freedom I’d had. It was a relief to be among people other than our strict religious community.
“Well to make a long story short I met a man who paid me attention for which I had no defenses … or maybe I didn’t want defenses … and I ended up in an affair. After a year in the affair he asked me to marry him, realizing I was unhappy in my marriage. I asked for a divorce, and now I’m happily married to my dearest friend.
“I think since I never was able to give him a child, his family was probably happy to see me go.