There are 2 major obstacles to taking a cheater back.
Photo:  istockphoto.com / Claude Dagenais

There are two major obstacles to taking a cheater back.

Obstacle #1

The fear that the affair is still going on behind your back.

Obstacle #2

The fear that the cheater will cheat on you again.

Both of these are valid fears, considering the fact that the affair probably went on for a period of time before you found out.

Like most victims of infidelity, you were probably the last to know. So it’s only natural for you to be concerned that the cheater could still be seeing the Other Woman or the Other Man behind your back, or that the cheater might cheat on you again and you wouldn’t know.

How You Can Overcome These Two Fears

If you decide to take the cheater back and give him or her a second chance, here are two strategies you can use to overcome these two fears.

• Find ways to discreetly check on the cheater, and his or her activities without their knowledge.

• Learn how to spot the signs of an affair still in progress, as well as the early warning signs of a new affair.

Continue reading to see exactly what’s involved.

Strategy #1 – Discreetly Check Up on the Cheater Behind His/Her Back

A good way to reassure yourself that the cheater is no longer involved with the Other Woman/Other Man, or seeing someone new, is to discreetly keep tabs on who he or she is communicating with.

Be alert for any indication that the cheater is still calling, e-mailing, or texting the person with whom he or she had the affair. Be equally alert for signs that the cheater is regularly communicating with someone new.

There are ways to check on the cheater, and monitor the situation without the cheater knowing what's going on.

If suspicious phone numbers or e-mail addresses turn up, run a reverse phone search or  reverse e-mail search  to see who they belong to. You might also want to run an online background check on unfamiliar names that may crop up.

Having a way confirm that the cheater has reformed his or her ways and is really being truthful, will go a long way towards helping you learn to trust them again.

However, if the cheater is lying to you, or sneaking around behind your back, you need a method in place to help you find out.

Of course, you could question the cheater constantly, but that would annoy them, make you seem paranoid, and, you still might not get the truth. So the best thing to do is to double check for yourself.

Resources to Help You Check Up On, or Keep Tabs on a Cheating Mate

Below are 3 reputable and reasonably-priced online resources that infidelity victims can use to discreetly check phone numbers and email addresses, or run background checks.

Until you feel confident that you can fully trust the cheater again, use these resources to make sure what the cheater tells you is really true.

www.CheatingSpousePhoneSearch.com can help you find out who a suspicious phone number belongs to.

www.CheatingSpouseEMailSearch.com will help you find the name of the person who owns an e-mail address

www.CheatingSpouseBackgroundCheck.com will enable you to run a background check on a person the cheater may be involved with, and gather additional details about their personal or professional life.

You can easily access and utilize these resources in the privacy of your own home, using your laptop or desktop computer. All searches are completely confidential.

Strategy #2 – Learn to Spot the Signs of Infidelity

The best way to overcome your fear that the cheater might cheat on you again is to become thoroughly familiar with the signs of infidelity. Not just the obvious signs, but the subtle signs, as well. These are the signs people usually overlook.

Being able to spot the signs of an affair still in progress, as well as the early warning signs of a new affair will give you the confidence and the peace of mind you need to take the cheater back.

Knowing what to look for is the key. A good infidelity reference book can help.

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs covers practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs most infidelity victims usually overlook. Despite the title, most of the signs apply to cheating women, as well as cheating men. The signs are conveniently grouped into 21 major categories, so you can easily find the signs that apply to your circumstances, your marriage/relationship, or your mate.

Help for Women Who Have Decided to Stay With a Cheating Mate

If you’re a woman who has already made the decision to stay with a cheating mate, I strongly recommend the e-book version of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs because it comes with a Bonus Section that includes the affair recovery information below.

• What the Two of You Must Do to Survive Your Husband’s Affair
• Advice for the Husband Who Cheated
• Advice for the Betrayed Wife
• Can Your Marriage Survive His Affair? - Questionnaire
• Will He Cheat Again? – Questionnaire

The affair recovery information along with the other infidelity tip sheets and special reports
in the Bonus Section will be especially helpful if you’re trying to reconcile with a cheating mate.

NOTE: Only the e-book version of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs has the affair recovery information. The soft cover edition does NOT have this information.

Help in Deciding Whether or Not to Stay With a Cheating Mate

If you haven’t yet decided whether to leave a cheating husband or boyfriend, or hang in there with him and try to work things out, get a free copy the Go or Stay Tip Sheet. It will help you make an intelligent decision on the best course of action to take. It covers several important factors to consider when trying to decide if you should leave the cheater or give him a second chance. To request a copy, e-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com  with Go or Stay – Xm in the subject line.

*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog.

For more information on infidelity and extramarital affairs, see:.

Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat

Go or Stay?- How to Decide Whether to Take a Cheater Back     (free tip sheet)

What Ordinary Women Do When Their Husbands Cheat

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs   (soft cover book)

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs    (e-book version with Affair Recovery Guide)

Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate

Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports