What is Imago therapy? Merriam-Webster defines imago as an idealized mental image of another person or the self. In the book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, author Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. describe imago as the following: Your way to a rewarding relationship and a happy life, a pioneer in creating effective couples therapy, a leader in creating a new chapter in the story of marriage counseling and relationships, a way to turn conflict into an opportunity for growth, a way to understand the root cause of conflict, and an organization proposing a new purpose for marriage in our society.
Therapist Paula Pile serves the Piedmont Triad area and successfully practices the Imago Therapy Method. With over twenty-eight years as a therapist, Paula is a licensed marriage and family therapist. A graduate of Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana, she was personally trained by Dr. Harville Hendrix.
“The methods of therapy that I use are non-blaming and non-shaming,” says the therapist. She has been married for over seventeen years and is active in her community and church.
In her imago process, Dr. Pile states that imago, a Latin term for image, is essentially a composite picture of the people who most influenced you at an early age. She agrees with Dr. Hendrix’s ideology that most people unconsciously partners who are an “Imago match” and who have positive and negative traits similar to their parents.
Imago relationship therapy is a form of couples counseling that suggest that your marriage is therapy—you become healed not by a counselor but by the relationship itself.
In imago sessions, Dr. Piles asks the hard questions that get to the root of relationship problems, allowing each partner to feel comfortable and non-threatening. In addition to requiring couples to utilize “Getting the Love You Want”, she also requires that couples use the companion workbook, also by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. Each workbook has exercise that couples must complete individually and as a team. As you get deeper into the workbook, you are asked some real questions that get deeper and deeper into issues that force you to be real with your partner and to be real with yourself. The process comes with a door hanger, such as those you see on hotel doors that say “do not disturb”, however, these door knockers, called Throw Me A Line: Let’s connect, are a signal to your partner that you want to communicate.
Step 1: Send & Mirror
Sender sends a message (I feel…I love…I need…What’s bothering me is…)
Receiver listens deeply, echoes message, checks for accuracy and invites more (Let me see if I’ve got you…You said…Did I get that?...Is there more about that?...)
Receiver summarizes (Let me see if I got it all…Is that a good summary?...)
Step 2: Validate
Receiver validates sender’s message (You make sense to me and what makes sense is…)
Step 3: Empathize
Using words (e.g. angry, sad, happy, loved, important), the receiver imagines the sender’s feelings, and then checks for accuracy (I imagine you might be feeling…Is that what you are feeling?...)
This method has been used successfully in marriages all across the United States. It can help you understand the hidden reasons you picked your partner and show you how to heal your relationship and yourself.
For more information on Imago Therapy, visit the Imago Relationships website. Here you will find information and tools to help you with the Imago process along with a listing of therapist near you and regularly performed workshops.
If you are in the Piedmont Triad area, please feel free to contact Dr. Paula Pile by visiting her website, calling (336)273-3116 or visiting her office which is located at 411-L Parkway Drive in Greensboro.
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