Men and women fight differently. Men tend to be logical and women more emotional. This isn’t always the case for everyone, but in general it tends to be pretty accurate. Knowing how your spouse is going to react when you disagree is imperative to resolving your conflict. Regardless of what you want, you have to respect your partner’s wants as well. If they are the type that desires to go to another room and stew over the issue in silence (away from you) for a while, let them do it. Staying and yelling will only make it worse. John Gray, whose Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is one of the most successful self-help books of all time, explains “Most couples start out arguing about one thing and within five minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.”
The fact of the matter is, if you’re not taking cues from your spouse and reacting appropriately to them, the end result is not going to work to your benefit. They’re not going to listen to you and they’re never going to agree with you. In fact, you’re going to have quite the opposite affect. I’m not saying that if you’re someone who blows up and your husband isn’t that you can no longer yell when you fight…just don’t be surprised at the end result when you do. There’s likely to be personal swipes at each other, name calling and just plain meanness. Then you find that you’re not even fighting about the original topic anymore, you’re just attacking each other in any way possible. (Please note that I am not talking about physical violence in any manner in this article.)
So, learn to respect each other’s boundaries. Get your point across, air your grievance, but do it in a respectful manner. Try not to yell. Try to stay calm. And if you can’t, respect your spouse enough to listen to their cues. If they need a moment, give it to them. We all know that fighting isn’t the healthiest part of a marriage but it is going to happen occasionally. Gray goes on to say that we need to remember that our partner objects not to what we are saying but how we are saying it.
Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for years, fighting has more than likely happened from time to time in your relationship. We may not be able to avoid it altogether but we can at least learn to fight better!! Play nice Nashville!
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