Do you ever feel like your life is spinning out of control? Does it feel like you are listening to ten radio stations at once inside of your head? Do you feel like one more request on your over taxed system, and you will go insane? Do you just want to scream, “GIVE ME SOME SPACE?”
We have all been there, and it is a horrible feeling. We want the people around us to understand they need to back off, give us some time to think; some air to breathe, just let us be for a little while. That is where it gets tricky, your need for space may be interrupted by others as rejection of them. Even though your request for space has nothing to do with your feelings for them, it is not how they will see your request. It is human nature for them to wonder why you are asking them for space, and the effect it will have on them, rather than to turn their thoughts to why you need the space…
When asking for some space of your spouse or significant other….
This is the hardest one of all to pull off without causing you more stress. Once you utter the words to your spouse or significant other, that you need them to not text you, call you, or talk to you for a few hours, so you can work out some things in your head, they will instantly think it is about them. One of two things are likely to happen; they will give you your space, but you will know they are so hurt, that becomes all you can think about, and not the problem you are working on. On the other hand, they may call, text, or talk to you more, trying to find out what is going on. If you have a good relationship, and you explain what you need the space for they will probably feel hurt and left out, but they will get over it. If you have a rocky relationship, the rejection they feel may just cause the relationship to die. A suggestion for an easy way to get your space is to look them in the eye and gently tell them you need some uninterrupted hours. For their consideration of your need for some quiet time, you would like to take them to dinner at their favorite restaurant the next evening. Using that technique you have just rewarded them for giving you your space, and they feel good about doing it for you.
When asking for some space at work……
You know the day….more than can possibly get done, yet it all has to be done….and your co-workers or boss keep stopping by your office to chat….you feel like pulling out your hair….you need some space. If you tell your boss, you need to be left alone to get your projects done, he or she may think you have slipped and are not up to the job. If you ask your co-workers not to talk to you for the rest of the day, they will think you mean everyone but them, or that you are being snobbish. A good way to get your much needed space without being seen as weak or snooty is to tell them you need to get your creative juices flowing so you can finish the project you are working on. Let them know if you get stuck you may come knocking at their door for advice. This will get you your space and leave your boss happy that you are that in touch with the project, and your co-workers honored you said you would come to them if you needed help. No one is hurt; you don’t appear inadequate to your boss, and you get your much-needed space
When needing space from your children….
There are times when your children, either grown or babies, keep pulling on you for this or that until you feel like you have nothing left to give. No matter how old the child, do not tell them you need them to go away for a while. This can leave them feeling abandoned. To a child, this is the worse feeling they can experience. Their mom or dad is always supposed to be there for them. Feelings of abandonment may rear their ugly head even when the child is a senior citizen. Not to feel wanted by your parent is the worse feeling a person can have because that child will always wonder what is wrong with them that mom or dad needed them to go away for a while. If your children are young and you need some space, spend the money, hire a baby-sitter and go to a place of solitude for a while. If your children are adults, again, don’t let them know it is them you need the space from, just tell them you are turning off the phone and all electronics for so many hours so you can meditate, and you will call them the next day. Studies have shown that adults whose parents made them feel they were not wanted tend to crave closeness and fear abandonment in their adult lives. Your space is important for you, but just be careful when needing that separation from your children how you handle it.
Space….why do we need it…
We need space for the following reasons:
1. To calm our nerves
2. To process our thoughts
3. To pursue our own hobbies
4. To relax
5. To not feel like a hostage in your relationship
6. To focus on your career
If the person you love asks for space…
Keep in mind; if the person you love asks for space, it is normal, and a cry from them that they need to process something, not a rejection of you.