How many men think about this statement that they love their wives but they still feel the desire to cheat on them?
There are men that think about cheating and it may not be all the time or it just may be because they are going through a rough patch in the marriage, but in many instances it is more prevalent than one may think. Men think about sex often and the thought of having sex with another person is part of being human in both men and women.
The intense sexual urges that some men feel especially when they may not be sexually intimate with their wives can add to their thoughts about cheating even more. Understanding that this is normal is not to say that it is acceptable or a man should act on his feeling, but it is still a fact.
Staying monogamous with one person for life is not a natural human trait. In fact there is nothing natural about it, but as humans we have the ability to make a choice to stay monogamous in our marriage but, it takes work. It is not just a given that once a person marries they all of a sudden don't have those natural feeling to mate again.
Cheating instead of communicating
Many times a husband will find it easier to cheat on his wife rather than tell her that he is not happy with their sex life. The other reason that he may cheat is to feel a sense of being a man again, having a woman want him, desire him. For other men having an erotic fantasy played out if not with his wife given the opportunity he may turn to another woman.
A suggestion to women is to communicate with her husband openly about their sex life, get help if the sex in the marriage is not longer good or that a husband has grown distant.
For men who do have a desire to experiment sexually or have gotten bored with the sex in the marriage, it is you're responsibly as will to try and communicate to your wife and seek help before having an affair.
What are the consequences of cheating?
The real question is, as a man that still loves his wife and is thinking about cheating on her, if she finds out it will crush her and that love that the two of you share will be gone. She will not look at you the same way again and it will be a huge breach in the marriage. The best possible thing to do is to let her know that you are unhappy in the marriage and that you are thinking about cheating. This is in fact being loving considering the alternative. Marriage is a two way street and the more that couples can become open and honest with each other about sexual intimacy in the marriage, the less cheating that will go on.
Comments
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I just came across this forum, so I thought I'd chime in. My wife and I always had a great sex life until our son was born 2 years ago. Since then, she seems to have lost interest, and the "desire" for it. We've been together for 15 years, and we've been through a lot together. However, her lack of sex drive, and overall lack of affection towards me has become a major issue for me. It also doesn't help that in my profession I am constantly around other women, both co-workers, and clients. I am very sexually attracted to a co-worker, and she has made it very clear that she is also very attracted to me. I don't know what to do? I've been trying to find a new job, so I can just get away from her. I love my wife, and my son more then anything, and I don't want to hurt them, or ruin my marriage. However, as a man I only have so much will power when it comes to sex. I'm afraid my wife is turning into her mother. Her mother and father did not have sex for 30 years!!! I've talked to my wife about this, and have been honest with her about my feelings. She says she understands why I feel this way, but yet, she still has not made much of an effort to change her behavior. What can, or should I do??
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I wrote this article for couples just like you! First have your wife get her hormones checked and see if they are all normal. I would recommend that you visit my site, because I have helped many couples with my program restore the intimacy in their marriage, because it is not just the sex you have lost but the intimacy as well between the two of you. Do not cheat on your wife it will just make things worse, have her take a look at my site with you and discuss the possibilities of getting help.
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Alex
I am a married man in my early 30's and I cannot stop thinking about and wanting other women. It is extremely tempting and I don't know what to do at times. We have quite an irregular sex with wife, when it happens it is usually great, but....
Most good looking women on the street tease like hell, I'm almost ready to give them everything I have just to spend a night with them. All these beautiful curves, eyes, hair, bums, fliting - it's just an absolute madness!
What's interesting though is that my primary interest is not getting a bj or classic sex, but giving a woman a head (sorry for the terminology), massaging and kissing her all over. I love doing that, but don't get it with my wife for different reasons.
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Ben
Today I am going through a difficult decision. My wife and I have not had an intimate encounter for more than a month, and I find myself looking for a way to cheat. Its not that I dont love her, its just that I need to be "connected" to another human being. I have tried romancing her, I have completed my honey-do list, I have asked her what I can do to foster that desire in her again, and she is resistant. She tells me that trying to have sex with her makes her not want to have sex. I am very loyal, and under normal conditions, I would never stray. I feel horrible about even considering it, so I talked to my wife about it. She (out of anger) told me if I want someone else, I should go get someone else, but she has no interest in sex.
Any advice?
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This is not acceptable in a marriage, it sounds like your wife is having desire issues, first she needs to get her hormones checked to see if they are level. If her hormones check out offer to go to counseling, if she will not work on the sex in the marriage, then there are two choices. Divorce or have an open marriage, sexual intimacy is what makes it a marriage and not just roommates. When I work with couples on their sex lives both people in the marriage have to be willing to want to work on the marriage, and follow the program and home assignment to make the sex better. Marriage takes two people to want to make it happen.
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Ben
Thanks for the advice. To give you some background - We have been in counseling, to no avail. she will not even discuss anything to do with our sex life, or lack thereof. I have asked her to go with me to get "our" hormones checked, and she says I have an unreasonable sex drive, and that its perfectly normal for married people not to have sex for months at a time. She will not hear of having her hormones checked. I do not want a divorce, but it seems the pain of leaving may not outweigh the pain of staying.
Thanks again.
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Ben when I don counseling or work with couples it involves the two of you doing home assignment to get the intimacy back in the marriage and most women find it very helpful, but if your wife is not willing to work at the marriage then you have to make a choice. As I stated the two of you are married and part of that is sexual intimacy. Maybe your marriage has expired, all I know is that cheating is not the answer, and you can tell her that you want an open marriage or divorce.
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jj
You haven't had sex in a month!! Poor baby. And by baby, I do mean you are a big baby. Get a grip. You think you're "loyal" - that's pretty delusional. Here's my advice - get some counseling and get back to reality. If you want to leave, you should leave. But don't rationalize behavior that is simply wrong.
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Peter
Ben, try a year! Pretty muc theh same case as yours just the time without sex has been way longer.She dismisses all counseling and basically told me that her sex life at 40 is over and with that is mine. So, I spent a whole year in waiting, not sure how long I can take it. She does not want to divorce, but told me that would not prevent me from leaving, if sex is that important to me. I do not think she cheats because we always struggled with the sex issue. So, here I am on one side devastating thoughts about leaving two young children on another a realization that my sex life is over at the age of 44. Time to pick a poison...Cheating would come as a viable way out, but I simply cannot get myself to do it.
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All men are not of the same nature. If a woman satisfied a man and always remains faithful and do many sacrifices in her life then her man never cheats her and love her a lot. Many marriages destroys with woman behavior of demanding cheap things instead of helping with their husbands.
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Michelle
Here's a 411 for you men, some of us women want sex with multiple men and are tempted too but we choose not to because of loyalty. So what's good for the goose is good for the gander. forget the bullshit socialization to 'make' women accept men with many partners denying their women the same right. Let's turn it around and have the women have many partners...you get used to it:)
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Johnny
If your talking about NSA, there is a difference between men and women. Men are, generally speaking, a lot better at genuinely seperating the love and sex components. Women are, generally speaking, not as good at doing this, and the two become more blurred, especially for women that don't orgasm easy/much with ANY man she has been with (ie it's not the man's fault), thus that type has sex more for the emotional connection rather than for the multiple orgasms. That is why many believe that it is more acceptable for the man to wonder, because he knows who he loves and lust does not alter that as easily as it does with women.
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Shady
Hello , i have situation which makes me very ashamed sometimes from my wife .. im very sensitive person which makes any wrong word what comes even in bad times hurts me deeply which also effect in my marriage im married now for about 5 years and knows my wife now for about 7 years .. i see it very difficult for me to think sometimes of cheating on my wife while im totally not agree with the idea .. im not really interested in doing it but sometimes i feel if i get good chance i might do it !! which will be great disappointment to me more than to my wife .. however here is my guilt : most likely when i have sex with my wfie i enjoy it .. and she really gives me that feeling also .. but sometimes while we are in the middle of a sex i get distracted or she is and in that moment i feel i wanna stop and even sometimes .. my penis isn't hard anymore ! however i try to control that by telling my wife to focus with me when we are having sex .. but thats not that big deal what i mentioned the big problem is " Watching Porn Movie's " .. i feel that i've become again teenager which watch pron movies behind his parents but in this case my WIFE is my parents i watch it behind her back however i know that she knows that i do it ! and she even said it to me before but i still do it behind her back and the most worse i get very " horny " from it !! however my wife told me many times that we could watch it together !! and she might even enjoy doing it with me .. but im too shy ! to do it front of someone even if that's my wife the mother of my kids .. i really dunno what to do about this subject of watching porn movies in secret however its hurting me like im CHEATING on my wife however as i said before im not willing to do it ! and i dont want too because of the consequences which will destroy my marriage and my kids life .. i really need help ! thanks a lots for your time and considering of other people problems .
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