Since it was revealed that David Letterman seems to use his workplace as a singles bar, there has been much debate about whether or not bosses should sleep with their employees in any context. But what about the other side of this coin? I was interested in talking to employees who slept with their bosses, so I put my feelers out for people who were willing to share their experiences with me. As you can imagine, I didn’t get many responses—maybe people are too embarrassed, felt taken advantage of by their bosses, or didn’t want to risk that someone might recognize them in some way. That didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was the fact that I only heard from women (I didn’t specifically ask for women and I would have been interested to hear from men as well) and it made me wonder why. But that’s another story for another day. In any case, here are the stories that I did receive from people who had sexual relationships with their bosses. To protect their privacy, I have only included their initials.
Betting on disaster
It was sort of an accident. He paid a lot of attention to me during my work hours. I worked in a casino and he was upper-level management. He always found ways to be inside my work area. I worked with the public and he managed to find ways to include himself in conversations, etc.
After two or three weeks, he asked me out for cocktails. I refused. He asked me out again a couple of nights later. I noticed several of the employees went out after work, so I decided it couldn't hurt. I was new on the job.
We had drinks, talked, and he was a gentleman.
A few nights went by and he asked me out for dinner. I succumbed. He was very attractive and quite the gentleman. He said all the right things, and was polite and well-mannered.
We "dated" a few more times and I drank too much one night and slept with him. Huge mistake. After that I just wanted to forget it. He wouldn't let me. He kept after me during and after work and again I gave in to him.
I began seeking another workplace. The job I held during our debacle paid little. I found another one and gave my notice. By that time, I was ready to move on and he suggested we move in together. Please don't ask me why I did it. I didn't even like him. We moved in together (thinking back I was afraid to be alone at the time) and I found out much later he was a predator that preyed on women from work. He zeroed in on cocktail servers—I just happened to be the exception to his rule.
The guy was a total loser. He was a gambler, emotionally detached, and very manipulative. It took me a while to get out of it. It's what predators do—they prey upon the perceived weak. At the time, I was just down. It took a long time for me to get away. He had a friend in the new job who kept an eye on me—truthfully, it took me leaving town for a while to get away from him. Once I was gone, he went on to the next one.
My advice: Do not fall prey to men in the work environment unless you have an alternative plan.
–P.L.
Double Dipping
I had a two-year on-and-off affair with my boss. I was working at a college in Santa Fe. My original supervisor left and the college hired my new boss. From the time he was hired, it was only a matter of weeks before we first slept together, even though he was married and his wife was quite beautiful. It was taboo and dangerous and that made it sexy. Our affair continued for two years and during this time he got divorced.
We did not do a stellar job at keeping our affair secret from coworkers. The sexual energy between us was intense. People must have been able to sense it at meetings. If we weren't sitting next to each other, we were positioned to be able to communicate nonverbally. To me, it seemed that if people didn't know my boss and I were having an affair, they just weren't paying attention. Nonverbal communication is a dead giveaway when it comes to office affairs. If two people start communicating more with their eyes than their words, they're probably sleeping together.
Eventually people's suspicion seemed to ease into an unspoken acceptance of presumed fact and there wasn't much to hide anymore, it seemed, because nobody cared. Just when I thought we were ready to go fully public, I found out that he had simultaneously begun an affair with a 22-year-old student who worked in our office. She was more than half his age and the same age as his daughter. Moreover, she was a virgin before he came along. When she and I learned about each other, that he was having an affair with us both, telling us both he loved us, promising us both trips to Paris and India, we drove to his house one night to confront him.
He didn't have much to say in his own defense. He admitted everything, and even arrogantly said he wouldn't be made to choose between us. Later, he told me he really wanted to be with me, ultimately, but that he really needed "this" right now—meaning her. He asked me to wait for him while he finished out the semester with her. I handed him my resignation and moved to another part of the country. Their affair continued for the next five years.
–A.M.
No Objections to Love
I not only slept with my boss (when we were both married to other people, but separated), I married him. My husband and I are both attorneys in Indiana. We met at my job interview 15 years ago. Ultimately, he was to decide whether or not his firm would hire me, but I had to interview with seven or eight other lawyers over the course of a week before I even met him. Tiring of my own canned interview answers to the point of not caring, I answered all of his questions quite candidly.
My husband and I did not experience love at first sight. As soon as I started working for him, he told me that my job was to sit down, shut up, and pay attention. He'd let me know when he thought I could handle a speaking role. That first week, he also walked into my office specifically to give me this instruction: "Trust no one." I looked him straight in the eyes and replied, "I assume that includes you." He said, "Yes!" That's when he really started liking me. Since my job was to follow him around and learn, I was destined to either love him or hate him.
As much as we enjoyed working together, once we were a couple we agreed it would be better if we were not working at the same firm. I’m not an advocate of office romance, but I am definitely one of the lucky ones.
–L.G.
Clean Getaway
My story dates back to the late 1970s when there were no sexual harassment laws and bosses would often make unwelcome, or occasionally welcome, passes. I was a reporter working my way up the ladder—legitimately working extremely hard to do so—when my boss, the editor, made a blatant pass at me while we were on a business trip together. I ignored most of his flirtatious comments, but when we were in a bar at the end of the day, and he launched into "I'm in a sterile marriage and you're so attractive" mode, I became increasingly uncomfortable. To this day, I remember him saying "All I need now is to have an affair." He made it very clear that he wanted me to go up to his room with him. I weaseled out of the situation by pretending that I didn't get his drift and made a hasty exit.
Fortunately, he was in the New York City office and I was in Los Angeles, but he tormented me as much as possible by unfairly criticizing my work, denying me a raise, and putting excessive pressure on me. Luckily, within six months I met the man I would marry and left that job, but the unfairness of the situation left a bitter aftertaste.
–S.L.
Have you slept with a boss? Would you? Do you want to bed your current boss? Share your opinions and experiences in the comments.
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Comments
I have sex with my boss for most of year. He is very nice and I dont hurt him but he called a younger man he knows to be with me so I can have an orgasm but I did not want to but did. So now I have org but I am sort of afraid of the man who is not nice but not of my boss who is nice. I want to stop andget my own bf.
I have slept with my boss and currently sleeping with my boss. He is single and we work very close together. I never intended to do this and this is my 1st situation where I slept with my boss. When I started working in 07 he would make comments etc. Dec. 07 he asked me to come over to his place to hang out. I did and he tried to have sex but I wouldn't do it. He got upset hugged me and asked me to leave. I did. A few months went by and he started up again around May 08. He asked me over and I went. This time I gave in and that's where it started. We would have sex occasionally and he would initiate and I would follow through. When we entered 2009 that's when it became more consistent like every week or so. Now I don't want to do this and never really wanted to I just don't know how to get out. I enjoy my job and like working with him but I feel I'm trapped and can't get out. Please don't do what I did. I regret it.
Many of us spend as much time with our bosses as we do with family and friends so it is natural that romance would occur at the workplace - I was a boss and fell in love with a woman who used to worked for me - we were involved for many years until she left one day without giving reason - I never pressured her into anything, she just came to me when she needed me - many times things just happen without any bad intention on either person's part - I miss her dearly
i am currentley bedding my boss, and have done so twice before. they all had a lot to offer, and very large...um, members. i enjoy the tension between us when we are around everyone else, because he makes sexual jokes around all the girls, silly stuff...but then he will walk past me on his way out of the room and grin, and wink at me. nobody knows, because i tell everyone that i am lesbian...and it works so well. we work all day, and then as soon as everyone is gone, im up on the desk getting the best sex i have ever had. he is tender, takes his time on me...and oh, he can last forever! he has great control and only cums after i get off twice or more times...hes a sweetheart too though, he takes me out for breakfast when we are done ,we hang out all the time, and when he is with me, its like we are the only two people in the world....and i love it.
OK, is it me, or does it seem like everyone in the article and in the comments sections has some serosu issues to work out? Julie you are sleeping with two men at once. Nothing is wrong with the men, you need treatment. AA you are a door mat and I imagine many men manipulate you in that fashion. The "Double Dipping" paragraph is amazing. The man cheated on his beutiful wife with you and you are shocked when this same person cheats on you with another?
I`ve been sleeping with my boss for over a year. We do it very often. 3-4 times a week, even during lunch time we manage to get into bed. He is from another country and a married father of three. He is 16 years older than me. I know, there is nothing good about it but can`t stop, as sampling a forbidden fruit makes me feel something unbelievable, which I`ve never felt before. Of course, I`m not going to ruin his family and i know it will stop some day later. It`s just an office romance.
i have been sleeping with my boss for about 6 month, we do it 3-4 times a week, there is a 22 year age gap.... he is also getting married in 6 months so i no it will stop then its just a bit of fun at work :)
I came here to get advise on how to get my boss to sleep with me. He is a bigger guy and I think he has body issuses and he is so shy. I have worked with him for months and know absolutely nothing about him. He write note on what he wants people to do so there is never any verbal contact. I want him so bad but I dont want to lose my job or make it weird.
I'm in a similar boat with you Dorthea...We've just recently gotten a new boss from St.Louis...he is soooo fine and his demeanor is sexy as hell...he has the take control type of power and I love it. He's thorough, anal and fine! My type of guy, however, he's a pussy when it comes to sleeping around on the job. I've approached him about it several times but he keeps saying, if I didn't work there with him - then he would go there...don't get me wrong, I'm a very attractive woman, I have most of the men there drooling but I don't pay them any mind...because I want my boss in the worst way...we are both married but I'm seperated mentally and he's seperated physcally from his wife...we really have no restrictions and he thinks that it may be too good and he will be stuck...how can I get him to try it once???
I have been sleeping with my boss, but before he was my immediate supervisor . We had this chemistry from the start .... i am just out of a marriage, have lots to work on myself and not looking for a demanding relationship ... so we make our plans and get together , and I love our time that we spend outside work hours ... I call t stress relief and he does it soooo very well .... I dont sleep with other men, am busy with my own life and things to do .... he is 8 years younger than me, but I dont look anywhere near my age, and work out at the gym to keep it this way ... as he is a foot taller than me, he only adds to the workout ... we keep it sooo very quiet at work (of course) but behind closed doors .... BOOO RAH :) YIPPEE
Ok here is the story im young, im 6ft 2, brown hair, blue eyes, not bulked up but i have muscles, i have a 6 pack, and well my boss is not typically my type, she isnt the prettiest to other guys, but i cant get enough of her, she is 42 im 20 but seriously there is no difference in that department, were at each other whenever we get chance, even so far as to on her desk... i just cant get enough of her, how can something that feels so good be classed as wrong. fine fair enough she has a 21 year old daughter and a year old grandson but who cares, im interested in her, besides the sex is incredible...mind blowing....im able to go for hours but she wears me out ;)
shes married and he treats her like a cash machine, he doesnt deserve her, i want to prove to her that i want her and that she deserves more than how he treats her, i think she feels the same as me, i wouldnt quite say love, but who knows. all i know is i want to be with her every minute of every day whenever i see him with her i want to deck him, he is so lucky and doesnt even know it what do i do? please any advice welcome.
Ok here is the story im young, im 6ft 2, brown hair, blue eyes, not bulked up but i have muscles, i have a 6 pack, and well my boss is not typically my type, she isnt the prettiest to other guys, but i cant get enough of her, she is 42 im 20 but seriously there is no difference in that department, were at each other whenever we get chance, even so far as to on her desk... i just cant get enough of her, how can something that feels so good be classed as wrong. fine fair enough she has a 21 year old daughter and a year old grandson but who cares, im interested in her, besides the sex is incredible...mind blowing....im able to go for hours but she wears me out ;)
shes married and he treats her like a cash machine, he doesnt deserve her, i want to prove to her that i want her and that she deserves more than how he treats her, i think she feels the same as me, i wouldnt quite say love, but who knows. all i know is i want to be with her every minute of every day whenever i see him with her i want to deck him, he is so lucky and doesnt even know it what do i do? please any advice welcome.
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