After listening to Democrats over the past week I’ve finally figured it all out – even if this unceasing liberal commentary makes me want to take a letter opener to my larynx.
They’re telling us our choice for the future comes down to the GOP budget (which apparently is awful) and President Obama’s budget (which apparently is invisible).
And pay no attention to the ongoing activities of Organizing for the Inquisition (or whatever OFA is calling itself these days).
Sure, Obama’s made a couple campaign stops here and there but what’s a few kidney punches between friends?
The president is back in the White House today, but it’s only a rest stop. Once his poll numbers improve we will be treated to yet another episode of the saucer section separating itself from the rest of the Enterprise in the name of peaceful exploration of some brand new congressional district.
And God forbid you say one wrong thing about Pelosi within earshot of a Democrat before 2014. I know from experience.
You call her “Granny Goodness” one time at happy hour and the whole world explodes.
Am I the only one who reads comics about Darkseid?
(Nobody answer that.)
At least here in Philly there aren’t any pesky White House aides shooting at my feet to make me dance.
I can picture life in Washington right now: if you fact check anything we say about sequestration YOU’LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!!!
One can only hope.
Truthfully, if the sequester hysteria from Democrats had been any less fervent about speculating what-rough-beast-its-hour-come-round-at-last-slouches-towards-Bethlehem-to-be-born then I’d have been offended.
Now I realize DC is the cradle of civilization where all the smart people gather these days, but I’d like to assure you guys that the rest of us living out here in the boonies are going to be just fine.
In fact, we even raised a glass to our betters down there in the beltway this St. Patty’s Day as we sifted through the emotional wreckage wrought by this reduction in the rate of growth of government spending.
Mister President, keep playing games with sequestration and demonizing Paul Ryan. You don’t like budgets anyway, so I have no doubt it won’t be long until you get back to the latest crusade to break a few knuckles for the greater glory of the EPA.
(After all, someone has to save us from the twin threats of hydrocarbons and prosperity; why not turn to the nice man with the messiah complex.)
This edition of Hump Day Humor includes Rush Limbaugh, Dennis Miller, Dennis Prager with Ann Coulter, Mark Levin, Hugh Hewitt with Mark Steyn, and Chris Stigall with Dr. Ben Carson – a small sampling of quips, non sequiturs, sarcastic commentary, and anything else that might put a smile on your face.
Rush Limbaugh Show 03/19/13 on Philadelphia’s 106.9 FM WWIQ
Regarding Pope Francis’ inaugural mass
Rush: Did you happen to watch any of Pope Francis’ inauguration ceremony this morning? You didn’t see any of that Snerdley? You got three monitors back in your office. It had to be on one of them. I thought Pope Francis’ inauguration ceremony was far more modest than Obama’s, which, I guess, is fitting. The pope is not in nearly as much of a religious figure as Obama is, but I still would have liked to have seen a Vatican flyover. The Blue Angels or something. It is what it is.
Dennis Miller Show 03/19/13 on Lehigh Valley’s 1100 AM WGPA
Regarding economic dislocation and fractiousness
Dennis: This is what President Barack Obama’s legacy will be. When I think of him the flash in my head will be friends screaming at each other. Good job Barack.
Dennis Prager Show 03/18/13 on Philadelphia’s 990 AM WNTP
Speaking with Ann Coulter regarding groupthink, CPAC, liberals, and libertarians
Coulter: I realized when I spoke to libertarians on John Stossel’s show it’s not even liberals I hate so much. I hate groupthink. And the libertarians have it every bit as much as the college liberals I speak to. I give a lot of college speeches. And it was the same thing where you all have to cheer together. And you all have to boo at the same stuff. And I guess when you’re young and insecure feeling like you’re part of a group is important to you. If I was ever like that it would be gun to the mouth time. But ok, I understand the psychology of it.
Mark Levin Show 03/14/13 on Philadelphia’s 106.9 FM WWIQ
Regarding Nancy Pelosi’s remarks at her weekly press briefing last Thursday
Mark: Monitor clean air and clean water? Do you know that half of the budget that the EPA has…I know this from our litigation against the EPA at Landmark Legal Foundation, half of the EPA’s budget goes to grants – mostly to left-wing-kook-groups. Are they monitoring the air? What do they do? Do they stand on top of a mountain and just breathe?
Mark: Ah, air still here. I mean what do they do? Look at that, greenhouse gases! I see condensation! Yes. You know we must have carbon dioxide ladies and gentlemen. I know this because look there’s plants!
Hugh Hewitt Show 03/14/13 on Philadelphia’s 990 AM WNTP
Speaking with Mark Steyn regarding the media’s reaction to the selection of Pope Francis
Steyn: The Catholic Church has basically been, unlike AOL-Time Warner, or whatever it’s called this week, the Catholic Church has actually been operating under the same name for a couple of thousand years now. And the shallowness and the trivial nature of the coverage right down to the stupidity of CNN announcing that this was the first non-European Pope – apparently thinking that, you know, St. Peter was a nice Milan boy or whatever.
Chris Stigall Show 03/14/13 on Philadelphia’s 1210 AM WPHT
Speaking with Dr. Ben Carson regarding how his colleagues at Johns Hopkins reacted to his surging popularity
Chris: I’m always curious, your colleagues – all of a sudden bang – you become this explosive presence on the national stage. I wonder do your colleagues say come on Carson, knock it off man. We don’t need this kind of attention right now?
Carson: Well, shortly after the speech [at the National Prayer Breakfast] when I came into the OR there was a sign up that said Carson for President and a big pile of nickels.
Follow John Goodman on Twitter @ Literalville are available here
Click subscribe above to receive an email when additional articles are posted by this examiner of conservative talk radio
Free podcast excerpts of the Chris Stigall Show are available here
Podcasts and recaps of the Rush Limbaugh Show are available here
Podcasts and recaps the Mark Levin Show are available here
Podcasts and recaps of the Dennis Miller Show are available here
Podcasts and recaps of the Dennis Prager Show are available here
Podcasts and recaps of the Hugh Hewitt Show are available here