Mister President, in the book that is my memory, on the first page of the chapter that is the day I met you appear the words, “Here begins a new life.”
The fiscal cliff was safely averted for liberals once Congress delayed sequestration – as naturally only in the Obama administration does postponing a problem constitute solving it.
And what was behind all that repetitive shouting during these tax negotiations: two percent, two percent, two percent. Did someone send you out to buy milk?
Frankly, I think you were being unreasonable not settling for skim.
Then your friends at Priorities USA mail me – of all people me – that leaflet attacking Congress.
Who does that?
By the way, I asked you for a budget plan not a flyer.
Furthermore, most politicians launch nationwide direct mail campaigns touting that they’ll hold the line against taxes for the middle class – not on them…bit of a Freudian slip?
That’s parapraxis in the Obama administration: thuggish incompetence since 2008.
Of course, now we’ve got ObamaCare’s taxes on medical devices kicking in too. Thank Democrats for making wheelchairs more expensive now that Kwanza has come and gone. Oh, it’s technically just levied on the people who make them. Well how about that; you win the gold star for playing emissary for all of America’s irrelevant distinctions.
Besides, if there’s one group that’s not paying their fair share clearly it’s the disabled.
Worse yet, America’s Gypsy-in-Chief is back to wandering around Oceania holding hate rallies and partying like it's 1984. Maybe we really shouldn’t be afraid of shutting down the federal government. I mean, even if we did turn off the lights in Washington why would it bother Obama?
It’s not like he’s ever there anyway.
Moreover, if he doesn’t need to go to his job in DC everyday why should everybody else have to? I guess he figures the key to his popularity is his absence. That might grate on some people but not me.
In fact, Mister President if you left tomorrow and never came back just think how you would be beloved.
On the other hand, when that phone rings at 9AM do Americans really want a leader that’s out of the office? It’s a pickle, I admit it but I’m betting the smart money is on more hate rallies.
At least the media still loves you back in the Beltway, but there is one thing that’s bugging me.
Glenn Thrush writes on Obama’s desire to pen another book about himself:
“He doesn’t need to await the verdict of history,” said an Obama insider during the last days of the campaign. “He’ll write it himself.”
Just so we’re clear Thrush is a good writer, and one of my New Year’s resolutions was to not make fun of Politico (sorry guys) – so I’m speaking generically to everybody in the press here.
But if Obama's going to write his own narratives why do we need you?
Come on, you saw that campaign leaflet the president sent out for the fiscal cliff. If you don’t do a good enough job these next couple weeks he might replace you with a 3 x 5 card.
Finally, I know King Farouk fans regard me as some kind of overly critical high-functioning sociopath – still I only bring it up because Ed Rendell went off on Laura Ingraham about it.
And, I don’t mean to become a casualty in the War on Epithets but you do realize it commonly used to be called the Republican and the Democrat Party, right?
I get the subtle messaging behind the recent push for the extra syllable, and I’m not all that emotionally invested in the point, but could you give me a heads up before you start calling them “the Republicans” and “the Democratics…”
This edition of Hump Day Humor includes the Laura Ingraham Show with Raymond Arroyo, Sean Hannity with Ben Shapiro, Dennis Miller with Victor Davis Hanson, Dom Giordano with Pat Toomey, and Hugh Hewitt with Congressman Paul Ryan – a small sampling of quips, non sequiturs, sarcastic commentary, and anything else that might put a smile on your face.
Laura Ingraham Show 01/08/13
Speaking with Raymond Arroyo regarding the motivations behind the shootout between Alex Jones and CNN’s Piers Morgan on gun control
Arroyo: Richard Quest could be the towel boy on the edge of the ring when Alex Jones and he have their big boxing tournament.
Laura: I mean, maybe they’re going on the road with this? You know, there’s the Bolder Fresher tour. This is the –
Arroyo: Older, curmudgeon-ier tour?
Laura: I don’t know what this is…maybe they have some plan? It will be a boxing match for charity? Everyone has a play on why they do things. There has to be a marketing gimmick that we’re missing here with the Alex Jones/Piers Morgan thing…
Laura: It was a more interesting fight than the Alabama/Notre Dame game.
Sean Hannity Show 01/08/13 on Philadelphia’s 106.9 FM WWIQ
Sean: They have built up an infrastructure that is extremely well-funded to go after any prominent conservative voices in the country. And that would include your website. That would include talk radio. That would include Fox News. We have a lot of money out there that is being spent, right now we have people sitting – probably somewhere in New Mexico (I don’t know where they are) – in their underwear on their computer monitoring this program every single day…
Some of us wear pants – must be a Philly thing. Admittedly I’m also not really out to get you, so there’s that too.
Dennis Miller Show 01/07/13 on Lehigh Valley’s 1100 AM WGPA
On the resistance of environmentalists to fracking
Dennis: Folks we gotta get some energy from somewhere. I hope these people don’t eventually turn on the sun for God’s sake. What are they going to do? Stand on each other’s shoulders and try to get up there with some wayfarer lens to block the sun off? I mean, come on, everything’s bad according to them – absolutely everything.
Speaking with Hoover Institution fellow Victor Davis Hanson on Barack Obama
Dennis: Victor, do you see any point though where his acolytes shift? I don’t. This is the most graphic cult of personality I’ve ever seen.
Hanson: No. We don’t have a media right now. We have a Ministry of Truth.
Dom Giordano Show 01/02/13 on Philadelphia’s 1210 AM WPHT
Speaking with Pat Toomey on President Obama’s refusal to tie negotiating spending cuts to raising the debt ceiling
Toomey: Well he thinks he’s not going to negotiate. But guess what, he can’t do it unilaterally…
Toomey: Now we didn’t have any leverage over him [last] time. We could say Mister President if you don’t agree to spending cuts well we’ll have a big tax increase on everybody. And he [could] smile and say terrific. I like raising taxes.
Hugh Hewitt Show 01/02/13 on Philadelphia’s 990 AM WNTP
Speaking with Congressman Paul Ryan regarding messaging
Hugh: Congressman, there are some shortcuts in the language that Republicans sometimes use and don’t. For example, chained CPI came into the language over the last two days, and then it went out again, raising the retirement age, raising the eligibility, all these different things, will the Republicans learn to communicate in those phrases as opposed to –
Ryan: I don’t know. That may be asking too much. We talk like accountants too often, that’s for sure.
So I’ve noticed
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