Howard Stern proves he's still 'King of All Media' with Tiger Woods Mistress Pageant (commentary)

All those pricks who say Howard Stern has "lost cultural relevance" since moving to satellite radio better be collectively ordering up a big, fat stinkin' serving of humble pie.

I mean it.

The "King of All Media" has re-marked his territory, and it's time you showed a little respect.

Brilliantly conceived and flawlessly executed, this week's Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant was Howard Stern's big, beautiful F--- YOU to all those critics who say that he "lost his crown" when he started preaching to a smaller, subscriber-based satellite radio audience.

Photos, audio: Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant full wrap-up

If Howard Stern has lost cultural relevance, then why is he still the only interviewer in the world to convince one (let alone three) of Tiger Woods' mistresses to give a candid live interview about her relationship with the sex-addicted golfer?

Howard Stern's not only the only one with the balls to straight out ask if Tiger Woods liked anal sex to his mistresses' faces, he's one of the few people with the uncensored venue in which to do it.

If Howard Stern is the "has-been" that many haters now say he has, convince three of the key players in the biggest celebrity entertainment story of the decade (yes-internet traffic-wise Tiger Woods blew Michael Jackson's death out of the water) to be interviewed in the same room, in rapid succession and in their underwear?

But it's not just that Howard Stern found out from the girls that Tiger Woods doesn't wear condoms and likes anal sex. It's that he found out that Tiger Woods is a cheapskate who flew his mistress Jamie Jungers out for sexual encounter coach on Southwest, and that Woods refused to tip waiters when they were out to dinner.

Tiger Woods' mistresses discuss golfer's sexual preferences and 'size' on the Howard Stern Show

That's what so many people don't understand about Howard Stern. He's not JUST a sex-obsessed porn connoisseur. He's really not. He's also a brilliant comedian, a fearless comic innovator, and, quite possibly, the greatest interviewer of our generation.

That's why so many celebrities that Howard Stern interviews find themselves uttering at some point during their interview: "I can't believe I'm telling you this."

Like when Carly Simon admitted that when her daughter got married at James Taylor's house, Taylor and his wife refused to let Simon use the bathroom indoors and directed her to a Port-o-Potty outside.

Or when Quentin Tarantino inadvertently blurted out that he smoked a chunk off a fat brick of hash with Brad Pitt while Angelina Jolie was in a French hospital recovering from having twins.

Brad Pitt still gets 'pretty good' hash (video)

That's what Howard gets out of people-not just graphic sex details-graphic real life details-the mundane and sometimes gleefully humiliating intimate looks at what celebrities are like in real life.

Howard's an innovator. He's got the self-depracating wit of Woody Allen combined with the taste of Larry Flynt.  Smart, but sexy--but SMART. (But trashy).  But INTOXICATING.  Did I mention, really f-ing smart?

That's why Jay Leno steals his ideas. That's why he's really the only person who could successfully replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. That's why his satellite radio listeners, although we may be smaller in number than "casual" terrestrial radio listeners, will follow him anywhere--in spite of nickel and dime rate hikes by Sirius XM, intermittently shitty reception and awkward equipment and regular guests like Brooke Hogan.

As Mariann from Brooklyn has aptly stated time and again, we'll take any amount of Howard we can get-anywhere and any time we can get him. Three days a week. One day a week. Once a month.

We'll bitch and moan about him taking extended vacations to frolic with his blonde bombshell wife in the Hamptons, and then wake up at 5:30AM the day we know the show is coming back live just so we're alert and awake for the first "Hey now! Good mornin' everybody!"

It's because he's one of the few "truth-tellers" left in the media world, and hearing someone say all those horrible, nasty, TRUE things that we're thinking out loud has the power to keep us sane.

All hail the motherf---ing King of all Media. Now and forever. Amen. Baba Booey. Baba Booey.

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