Valentines Day is coming fast and I'll bet many of you are contemplating ways to best show your sweetie how much you care. Have you considered how you might extend the sentiment of Valentines Day (expression of love and connection) to every day?
Consider the “practical prescriptions” for couples seeking happiness together by Christine Carter, PhD, a sociologist and happiness expert backed by the research of John Gottman, PhD as we look at some of the ways you can do this.
It has been found that happy relationships share some common traits.
Consider each as it applies to your marriage/relationship and commit to trying to incorporate some of them.
11 Valentines Day extenders:
- Demonstrate positive, pro-social emotions such as gratitude and appreciation.
- Recognize and respond to each others bids for attention.
- Prioritize intimacy and sex.
- Use humor to de-escalate conflict.
- Show interest in each others worlds by asking questions.
- Support each others growth and learning of new things.
- View conflicts as joint problems to be solved.
- Accept influence from each other.
- Learn to manage your reactivity during conflict.
- Put your individual happiness first, knowing that the happier you are the more you can offer your partner.
- Connect to other happy people as emotions are contagious and happiness is best predicted by social ties.
Should you additionally shower your partner with affections and demonstrations of love on Valentines Day? That sounds nice, doesn't it? But don't get too caught up in the "one day a year" thing and try to conceptualize an ongoing relationship with daily demonstrations of love and appreciation. It's easier than you think and can be as simple as telling each other something you appreciate about them or giving them a playful tossle of the hair.
Valentines Day can feel like every day.
----------------
Lisa Brookes Kift is a couples therapist in Larkspur, Marin County, CA. See tips from Lisa (emotional and relationship health "minutes") on her Therapist Notes Blog.
Comments