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How to write a proper Internet dating proflie - without stupid clichés

When you review the many profiles of potential mates found on all Internet dating sites, you will come across some that have made the mistake of using clichés to describe themselves. This is an obvious sign of a lack of originality. It's okay if you are looking for an average, unoriginal mate. Quite often they excel in other areas, like the bedroom, or they have good jobs and make good providers, or they cook fine meals or they can fix things around the house. Just because they are devoid of original thought and may not actually know what a cliché is all about, they are probably good people with other equally important skill sets.

So here are some of the clichés you need to avoid (and relevant counter thoughts) in order to find a really good, original mate or at least hope for someone who is good in bed:

I’VE NEVER BEEN ESPECIALLY GOOD AT SCIENCE BUT CHEMISTRY IS IMPORTANT - Not only is this person not original, they probably can't make a fake volcano in the kitchen or explain Einstein's General Theory of Relativity to the children you are going to have together.

WE WILL HAVE DAYS YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER, AND NIGHTS YOU WILL NEVER FORGET - That can work both ways. We all know a nutcase who we spent days and nights with and we will never forget!

I’VE MET MEN THAT I COULD LIVE WITH, BUT I’M SEARCHING FOR THE ONE I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT - are you terminally ill and looking to hookup with an oncologist?

I’M LOOKING FOR THE LAST LOVE OF MY LIFE - And just how many came before me?

I’M LOOKING FOR MY LAST FIRST DATE - obviously this person can't count.

LIFE IS A GIFT, LET’S UNWRAP IT TOGETHER - yeah, and we all know some gifts need to be returned.


Then we have the non cliché statements that lots of men and women use because they were told to by dating service companies. Things like:

“MY FRIENDS WOULD DESCRIBE ME AS….” - So you can’t tell us about yourself and need this kind of introduction?

I LOVE TO HAVE FUN - Well, I’m glad you mentioned that in your profile because if there is one thing I’m looking for... it is someone who wants to HAVE FUN – who thinks of this crap?

I’M COMFORTABLE IN A LITTLE BLACK DRESS OR A PAIR OF JEANS AND A T-SHIRT - Are we supposed to be impressed by this high level of versatility?

I’M A GIRLY-GIRL BUT NOT AFRAID TO GET MY HANDS DIRTY. - First of all, many guys can’t stand the term girly-girl, it sounds like a real whiny bitch, and second, who cares? We can figure this out in about two dates when we get a flat tire and ask you to change it.

If you were born yesterday, these sayings, ditties, and clichés can seem pretty darn impressive. If you were born yesterday these types of profiles may attract you and get you to make contact. However, if you are the least bit savvy, you will be unimpressed and realize that they merely copied these lines from other profiles of other equally uncreative people. Of course if you can find the person who originated these clichés, let me know. I want to meet that woman and you will want to meet that man. In case you see this one pop up on someone’s profile: A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARED, it was coined by Benjamin Franklin and I think first used by my mother who used it quite often.

The only thing worse than clichés is the poor grammar, spelling mistakes and obviously troubled English as written by foreign born daters. This last one in particular seems to come from predominantly Asian daters looking for love on American sites. It’s kind of hard to believe that one can write with an accent but they can. Well, its’ not an actual accent, but it is poor grammar of a certain unique style: “I looking for good man to share life.” As you can see, there is something missing here. It almost sounds like Tonto sitting around the campfire with The Lone Ranger about to come out of the closet.

Actually this foreign-type of grammar lets you know upfront that this person is not going to have the best English. If they had someone else write their profile in perfect prose, you might be disappointed upon introduction. The same probably goes for the poor grammar, clichés and other giveaways as to your class, education and originality.

Come to think of it, just keep doing what you are doing (poor spelling, poor grammar, use of ridiculous cliches) so you will never be accused of presenting false pretense. No one wants to go on a date only to realize this person is nothing like what was on their profile. So, good luck in finding Mr. or Mrs. Perfect or at least Mr. or Mrs. Perfect for you. This way you are getting one step closer to your last first date that shall provide for days you will always remember and nights you will never forget.

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