How to unplug your child from technology

Teens seem to be spending a lot of time in front their computer screens. Read on to discover how this may be affecting your child.

Personal relationships vs. virtual relationships
In an era where we have become extremely technological, many people are disconnecting from nourishing relationships in favor of virtual ones. From television viewing, to Internet surfing, to text messaging - teens are spending more time with their phones and computers than with their families.

Using distractions to avoid uncomfortable feelings
Adolescence, with all the changes that accompany it, can be an intense time where teens are overwhelmed by new feelings. Feelings aren’t always comfortable, and some people so strongly dislike feeling sad, anxious, angry or insecure that they will do anything to avoid these feelings.

Isolation and drug abuse
Experimentation with drugs seems to have spread to include middle school, or even younger. Self-medication through drugs and alcohol is often an attempt to regulate or avoid painful feelings. Teens who are at high risk of becoming addicted to these substances demonstrate a lack deep of connections with others.

Where has conversation gone?
The co-regulation of emotional states, once available to teens through chatting with parents, siblings and extended family members, neighbors and friends, is getting interrupted through less emotionally fulfilling forms of interaction.

Connection with others 
The Teen Years are often fraught with feelings of isolation. Television viewing is a passive activity. Staring at a television screen, even in the company of others is an individual experience.

Learning empathy and social skills
Close emotional connections actually changes the brain in those who engage in them, affecting our sense of self and experience of life, making empathy and socialization possible. Teens who entertain themselves solely with computers can be left vulnerable to feelings of low self-esteem and hindered social skills.

The value of being seen for who you really are
Healthy relationships are about creating a safe space where we can be seen, and see others, in our most authentic expression. By our primary caregivers mirroring our tentative first encounters with the world, we come to believe that we can impact our world and trust that our needs will be met.

Creating heartfelt bonds
Participating in consistent loving interactions within one’s family directly influences our ability to form heartfelt bonds with others later in life. It is essential that parents provide their teenager with focused, non-judgmental attention to develop a secure and joyful attachment with them.

Suggestions on how to unplug your teen from technology:

1. Sit down as a family in the evenings for the dinner meal. Make it a joyful time where everyone gets an opportunity to share about their “wins” as well as “challenges” for the day. Don't eat dinner in front of the television and ask that cell phones are not brought to the table.

2. Consider television and computer time a privilege which needs to be earned. Instead of plugging in to the Internet upon arriving home from school, make it a reward after homework has been completed. In this way, you also teach self-discipline and delaying gratification, which your child will need to succeed in this world.

3. With Tivo and HoluTV, there is no need to watch a show at it’s scheduled time, as treasured shows are preserved for later viewing. You may also want to consider taking the televisions out of every bedroom in the house, and create single a viewing room where you have more control.

4. Join a family gym

5. Explore your local national parks.

6. Take a drive up the coast and pic-nic on the beach

7. Volunteer your time as a family in a senior center, children’s hospital or animal shelter.

8. Engage the family in a house project like decorating the kid’s rooms.

9. Take an art class together at a local college.

10. Explore the local museums

11. Barbeque in the backyard and invite their friends

12. Start a vegetable garden

13. Interview their grandparents on video about their childhoods

14. Create photo albums of for each of the children from birth

15. Teach your children how to cook, or taking a cooking class together

16. Go on a family driving trip

17. Spend time visiting with your extended family (uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces and cousins)

   *Note: If your teen is struggling, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. Help is just a phone call away! Click on the following link for more information. - Sandra Dupont--LA Teen Therapist