The internet is teeming with dating sites. Millions of people seeking the company of millions of other people. They range in price from free to lose every dime you have. And of course, they are filled with words. After looking at the picture, and deciding that the person hasn't impaired your vision, you proceed to read these words. You begin to notice that some of them are obvious and straight forward. Some are confusing. And many are outright deceptive. Let's try and dig in between and underneath some of these words to decipher what the writer is REALLY saying.
- SWM=single white male. This seems clear and it usually is. But there are people who are in committed relationships but not married who use this situation to justify a single status.
- Married seeking discreet relationship. We can understand this to mean that the person is choosing to cheat on his/her spouse or the word "discreet" wouldn't be necessary. It also means that this person has no intention of ever caring about you or being with you in any way but sexual.
- Financially secure. This is a tough one. Our economy in general is crap and the erosion of the middle class continues. So these words can either mean wealthy or just grateful to be employed at McDonald's. With these words being such a crap shoot, they basically take up space and don't have much meaning.
- Easy going and laid back. On the surface this sounds cool. A relaxed person is much more enjoyable to be around than an uptight type A. But...this usually ends up meaning that the person is lazy, has no personal ambitions and expects you to do all the work.
- Sick of games. Perhaps the ad writer is tired of emotional and mental games. And the words might give you a sense of safety or shared view. However; to be so exhausted with games as to post these words, indicates that he/she knows how to play them. Very well.
- Drug/disease free. Oh, this can be a tricky one. For starters, the person could be totally lying. But it gets worse. There is a built-in assumption with these words that "drug" means illegal substances and "disease" means sexually transmitted illnesses. So you could potentially end up dating a person who is addicted to prescription pain killers and has diabetes, Alzheimer's and crohns disease.
- Enjoy long walks on the beach. Really? Could this be any more shockingly cliché? Take note as to the location of the ad writer. There aren't too many beaches in North Dakota. And even in Minnesota, with the thousands of lakes, there aren't too many walkable beaches. Unless you like strolling hand-in-hand through muck and cattails, then those words should be in the ad.
- Built for fun. Sounds like a guy who enjoys life, right? Not necessarily. It's usually a veiled reference to penis size. He's either really large and thinks that's all he needs or he's small and hopes you won't notice with all the fun you're having. Either way it's obsessive and insecure.
- Good listener. These words are typically awesome. Unless....the ad placer goes on to write 5000 words about him/herself, including bathroom habits. A basic aspect of human nature is that you can't listen if you're talking.
You will feel a bit more savvy and aware the next time you read through online dating ads. And if you are considering writing an ad yourself, be honest and clear. You will save yourself a lot of time and grief and have a higher chance of attracting the person you want and need.