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How to Survive the World's Worst Pool Experience with Norvell Sunless Mist

Could be worse?
Could be worse?
Photo by Rachel Murray

About one month ago to date, my mother invited my sons and I to her hoity-toity high rise, complete with rooftop pool, for a few hours of lounging and swim.

I've never been to the amenities at her residency so I wasn't sure what to expect.

After a delicious lunch of sushi and hot green tea, my sister and mother devised a plan to drop us off for thirty minutes while they ran a “quick errand” at Sally Beauty Supply.

“We’ll be back soon. Thirty minutes. Spend time with the boys and just enjoy the pool. It’s beautiful up there.”

So the doors were unlocked and my nightmare began.

I stepped barefoot onto the hot and wet pavement, hoping not to warp my leather sandals.

There were college kids everywhere, much like a frat party. Open door game rooms revealed counter tops lined up with liquor bottles.

Bikini clad girls wearing floral leis on their perfect coifs and with toenail polish (that I’m certain accidentally matched their swimsuits) retrieved alcohol for either their boyfriends, hookups or “friends", floating poolside.

There was nowhere to sit. Not a single lounge chair to set up shop with our towels and belongings.

Cigarette smoke filled the outdoor “bar” atmosphere, as men held their beer cans and perched confidently against the water's edge.

There were self-portraits galore as beach balls bounced in the water.

Worse yet the pool was bitter cold. So thank goodness there was a hot tub. Or so I thought.

As fate would have it the hot tub was hot. Like when you fill up a bathtub and want to add cold water, but can’t.

So I put on my biggest fake smile and tried to enjoy the experience for the sake of my children.

“Oh yes, this is fun. Look at how far you can swim .” (Ducking the bouncing ball…)

Thirty minutes turned into forty-five. Bad music played from at least four sources. Ladies continued to giggle and gossip. Men appeared cool and collected under their sunglasses. (Poolside lounging is a swanky thing to do when you’re in your early twenties with no other care.)

After forty-five minutes turned into two hours I was nearly in tears. It was a bachelorette party, a bachelor party, a frat party. There I was, just a mom with two small kids with nowhere to sit, in water much too cold.

When my mom and sister safely returned from their two hour shopping excursion, my bags were packed, cell-phone and keys in hand, and I was ready to leave without so much as a proper goodbye.

“What happened?” My mom asked, gazing at my stress-induced tearful expression. She glanced around at the rowdy rooftop “peaceful” experience I was supposed to enjoy. “Oh.”

So I went home and applied Norvell sunless tanning mist. Within a few hours I had a bronze glow unlike any self-tanner I've ever applied. Available in several different shades and formulas including a spray or mousse for ease of application, I was able to reach all those nooks and crannies that would otherwise "tell all."

I apply Norvell sunless mist almost every day, and as summer begins my color is believably gorgeous as if I spent hours lounging on a rooftop, in a swanky city, much to the delight of my two small children who are able to enjoy the sunshine without hearing profanities, swimming into clouds of smoke, or getting pushed around by some drunken macho man.

Alas I didn't, but nobody knows that. Not even the security guard who has now been hired to ensure the high-class apartments stay classy. (I had nothing to do with that.)

I’m much too busy lounging at the pool. (With SPF 45, since I already have my tan.)

Check out the full line of Norvell sunless tanning products.


P.S. Be a gentleman and offer a lady your seat.

P.P.S. In fact, where's the cabana boy?

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