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How to Survive the Loss of a Love…Book Review

I sat evaluating myself...I decided to lie down
I sat evaluating myself...I decided to lie down
Shelley Stutchman

This is an amazing book to read if you are experiencing a loss. There are clear losses, as divorce; not-so obvious losses, such as loss of a long-term goal, loss related to aging, loss of beauty, and limbo losses, such as a business transaction that may or may not fall through. It explains how an emotional injury feels like a physical wound, but it is worse; you can’t put a bandage on it. This book should become dog-eared and beat up looking, as you carry it with you on the road to healing.

The book is filled with poetry. Many of the poems cut right to the heart and make you cry. A few will make you laugh, and some will make you think. The poems are especially good, because you know the person writing them has felt just like you do, and it helps to know you are not alone. When your heart has been served to you on a silver platter, with a butcher knife stuck through it, many of the poems will help stop the bleeding for a moment.

One of the poems is very powerful in its simplicity:

I find

I lost.

With the shock of a loss, sometimes when you wake up, you may experience the loss all over again; because while you were asleep, for a moment, the pain went away.

This poem explains it well:


We wake and snuggle

Afternoon .

a call.


A brutal goodbye


O my god. O my god. O my god.

Mourning. Again.

The book explains how you will survive, even if you don’t feel like you can. It encourages you to see a mental health professional if it is so overwhelming you have thoughts of suicide or feel you are coming apart.

The hardest part is acknowledging the loss. It is such a struggle to believe it happened. You feel like you are not strong enough. You have to accept it; however, in accepting it, it hurts. The book continues to explain how you are not alone, even though you feel you are. That everyone has experienced a loss of some kind.

There is a chapter on building back your self-esteem. This chapter's main focus is to teach you not to live with the “if only,” thoughts. Helping you see you are more than the emotional wound you are suffering. It is important to re-discover the good, the great, and the beautiful within you. There also is a poem that speaks very loudly to your feeling of worth.

I am joy.

I am everything.

I can do all things but two.

1.Forget that I love you

2.Forget that you no longer love me.

The book also deals with thoughts of suicide. This book describes it simply.

The Question of Suicide:

Keep it a question.

It’s not really an answer.

The last half of the book is dedicated to healing process. At the end of the book, it states that your happiness is up to you.

It is a risk to love.

What if it doesn’t

Work out?


But what if it does?

This book is helpful; to the point; at times tough; and other times tender. This book by Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., Melba Colgrove, PhD., and Peter McWilliams, is a treasured gift to read yourself or to send to someone whom you know needs some help.

Thank you cousin Cindy

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