There is always that one family member (or in-law) who becomes loud and belligerent at family get-togethers, or basically any social event or outing. It is not only predictable, but creates anxiety for everyone else, sometimes even before the event occurs! They are the ones who ‘look’ for things to complain about or dwells on past disagreements to create a scene which draws attention to them. Unfortunately, most of us cannot avoid these familial ties, but we can learn how to deal with them!
Understanding why certain people conjure up trouble in relationships aids in preventing the internal anxiety and stress which induces intrapersonal cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is conflicting inner thoughts; you don’t agree with violence, but you want to slap the person. Being in the company of ‘trouble-makers,’ or being the target of them causes inner negativity in an otherwise positive person. The trouble-maker can bring out the worst in most people, but if we look past the conflict, we can see the person as a needy, unhappy soul with probable mental health issues. Typically, we are not alone in our views of the trouble-maker as most people are aware of their behaviors and attempt to ignore them.
Mentally unstable people who seek attention will attack others to get a response. They look for things to upset others (busybodies) to satisfy being in the spotlight. This behavior can result in either positive attention or negative attention, but it fulfills their need for any attention. It is possible they are not aware of their unhealthy thinking patterns and behaviors in interpersonal relationships, and it is strongly suggestive of a cognitive distortion (thinking errors) or mental illness.
With the understanding that they may be struggling with personal mental health issues, it is easier to tolerate the negativity whilst not engaging in conflict with them.
Having inner peace with who you are and what you strive to be can stop the negative influence of others. The verbal and/or emotional attacks will not affect you if you can learn to distinguish the conflict from the family member’s mental instability.
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