Connie Shapiro, Ph D, is a social worker and infertility specialist. She wrote about the emotional problems that infertility creates for couples and how it spills over into their sexual relationships and negatively impacts intimacy. This is the second part of reviewing her work addressing sex and how to stop it from negatively impacting your infertility. In her follow up article in Psychology Today, she offers some answers asking "Can steamy sex and Infertility go Hand-in-Hand?"
She explored these questions after noting that "well over 90% of the couples she counseled identified their sexual relationship as an issue affected by their infertility." Dr. Shapiro goes on to say that "scheduling sexual intercourse to coincide with ovulation can take a real toll on spontaneous lovemaking."
So what can couples do to bring that spark and spontaneity back to their relationship? She has several suggestions. According to Dr. Shapiro, "Before even coming into the bedroom, talk to your partner about the changes in sexual intimacy since you began trying to conceive. Use these conversations as a way of blaming infertility for any lack of sexual spontaneity." She also recommends reminding your partner how attractive they are and express your wish to return to your pre-infertility sexual relationship.
Dr. Shapiro explains that just the act of discussing your sexual wishes about your relationship, and your wish "to recapture and reinvigorate your love" begins the process of open communication about the intimacy in your relationship.
She recommends that you "Start out slowly, celebrate small sexual pleasures, and don't be deterred by inevitable missteps and disappointments. Also try to "Experiment with new sexual strategies...Take turns initiating sex."
An important thing to remember is to try to have fun and support each other in the process. There are many ways to touch each other and feel close. Tell your partner what feels good and what you like. Try to be spontaneous when you can. You may want to reflect on moments when you were dating that were particularly pleasurable and try to recapture those feelings. Be patient with your partner and yourself.
To read Dr. Shapiro's complete article and get more information go to:
If your sexual relationship is suffering as a result of infertility there are excellent therapists in the Chicago area that specialize in working with men and women experiencing infertility. You can find them at: