Do you ever wonder if you have a sign on your back announcing to the world that you’re attracted to jerks? You know the type. He’s the insensitive one who puts his needs before everyone else’s and is demanding, childish and angry. If you’re the sole financial supporter in your relationship, compromising all of your wants and needs to please him and jumping to make him happy, you may be dating a jerk.
Although there may not be a physical sign on your back, it’s likely that you’re sending signals of vulnerability and neediness. But don’t lose hope, there are things you can do to attract a decent guy.
Characteristics that Attract Negativity
You don’t have to read a dozen self-help books to figure out how important self-esteem is to a healthy relationship. Insecurity is the trait that best defines someone in a relationship with a jerk; instead of a partnership of equals they accept second rate status. Subconsciously, they feel that they don’t deserve a happy, full life and settle for the first person who comes along that shows a bit of interest. Low self-esteem invites the irrational thought that “I can’t do better.”
Upbringing, family values and previous relationships all play a role in what kind of treatment we will accept in our relationships. If you were raised in a dysfunctional, critical home, you may not value your own worth and may find it helpful to get professional help to learn to overcome the damaging messages of your childhood. Every person deserves to be treated with respect.
Where you Hang your Hat
The type of people you meet may have a lot to do with where you meet them. Spend your evenings at the local bar or club and your chances of meeting a decent guy who is interested in a serious, healthy relationship are less than favorable. If you’re hoping to find someone who is goal-oriented, honest, successful and secure, visit a cultural event, join a social club or, better yet, accept an invitation to meet someone that a friend or family member wants to introduce you to.
Trust Your Instincts
The most attractive person in the room may be the one that gives off the strongest negative vibes. And as much as your heart may want to pursue, your head is warning you against it. Learn to take it slow and to never totally discount that inner voice.
Your Strongest Defense
Meeting good people is easier if you are have a healthy sense of yourself. Having a clear idea of your hopes and dreams will help protect against hooking up with someone who isn’t looking forward or who is living in the past. If you have issues of our own, seek professional help. Emotional baggage may attract the wrong kind of people and eventually weigh down any relationship, making it more difficult to recognize if it’s worth the effort or if you should move on.
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